


Stone cold

by I_am_clexa



Category: clexa - Fandom, the100
Genre: Drug Use, Emotional Abuse, F/F, G!PLexa, Protective Lex, Solider lexa, exbestfriends, fuckgirllexa, highschoolAU
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-15
Updated: 2017-05-21
Packaged: 2018-08-22 12:56:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 35
Words: 43,647
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8286631
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/I_am_clexa/pseuds/I_am_clexa
Summary: #clexa au high schoolClarke Griffin and Lexa Wood have been best friends for years until one day nothing was the same .Lexa became friends with the wrong crowd in high school which Clarke wanted nothing to do with.Clarke focused on her study's and getting in to a good college. But she always wonders what was going on in Lexa Woods head. Of course she heard the Rumours  about Lexa but she hoped they weren't true.if you asked Clarke she would say that she didn't recognise the girl she had grown up with, that she looked sick and a totally  different person. Lexa however would say she fine a tried to keep people as far away from her as possible--------------------------------------suck at summary but you'll see where it goes,also first fic





	1. Heart broken

It was the first day back from summer break and usually the students wouldn't be excited to go back to school. However Clarke Griffin couldn't wait to see her friends Octavia and Raven. It's not like she didn't see them during the break. She did, but really she just wanted to see one person.  
Lexa Woods. 

Her ex-bestfriend. The girl that completely shut her out and broke her heart without a good explanation. They hadn't spoken to each other from year 8. That was when things changed between them. Lexa became more distant and they hardy hung out with each other, but their families would have dinner together every Friday. That hadn't happenned for years, when the parents finally got the hint of them no longer being friends, so the one thing that held them together stopped.

And the both went on with their life without each other.

****************

Clarke had woke up earlier than her alarm just to make sure she wasn't late for the first day back. She jumped into the shower, brushed her teeth and headed down stairs where she knew her mother would be. She entered the kitchen with 15 minutes to spare before having to leave for school, so that gave her time to eat her food without any rush, as she only lived down the road from school.

She saw her mum cooking up some pancakes which were her favourite. "Morning sweetie, how did you sleep?" her mother asked in a loving voice. Her mother was a doctor at the local hospital and wasn't really around much during the night,s as she did a lot of over time at work. However Clarke's father Jake was mostly around when her mother wasn't, so she was never alone in the big house.

"Quite well. I was wondering if Octavia and Raven could stay this weekend. We haven't had a girl night in a long time." Clarke asked with the biggest smile on her face. She knew her mother wouldn't say no to her, she couldn't, not with that smile, but also because O and Raven were like her own children.

"Of course honey, but they won't be able to stay the next morning. I'm trying to plan something that I think will do us all good" her mother said with a sad smile on her face. Clarke didn't have time to question her because she had to leave for school, so she kissed her mother goodbye and headed off to school wondering what her mother had planned.

********  
Clarke arrived at school and she got a text from the group chat with O and Raven, saying that they would be there in a couple of minutes and to just wait outside the building until they arrived. Clarke typed a quick okay when she heard motorbikes coming up at the school's gates. 

As each of them took their helmets off, she was only looking for one person but frowned when she did see her. The next thing Clarke knew was that she was being tapped on the shoulder and when she turned she saw her two bestfriends smiling at her.

"Hey, checking out the hot badass of the school?" Raven asked with a slight smirk. O and Clarke rolled their eyes and dragged Raven towards the school building. Once inside the bell went off signalling them to get moving to classes. They separated then, Raven going to physics class, while O went to PE and Clarke went to history class. Usually Clarke would be excited because this was the only lesson she had with Lexa but since Lexa didn't bother showing up, it would be just like any other class filled with a bunch of idiotic teenagers.

Halfway through the lesson there was a knock at the door and a brunette stumbled through the door. "You're late Miss Woods" the teacher snarled. Everyone knew he didn't like Lexa but she liked to wind him up. 

"Glad I'm not the one who isn't blind, trust you to spot to obvious" Lexa replied looking quite pleased with her answer. 

"You're on VERY thin ice, do you understand?" The teacher was getting angry, emphasising certain words. Lexa just rolled her eyes and headed to her seat, which was two seats away from Clarke. 

As the brunette walked past Clarke to head towards her seat, Clarke could feel the brunette's eyes on her, but didn't look up. She just stared at the paper until she saw from the corner of her eye that Lexa was sitting in her seat. 

During the lesson Clarke kept slide glancing at Lexa. She saw the bags under her eyes and the scars on her inner elbow that no one else saw or chose not the see because Lexa well she was cool and everybody wanted to be her friend. Of course people talked about how many girls Lexa had been with or what drugs she took at parties, but no matter what Clarke heard she wouldn't believe it until she heard it from Lexa's mouth. Even if she could see the scars, she just didn't want to believe that her once innocent, sweet, bestfriend had turn out to be everything she wasn't meant to be.

As soon as the bell rang, the blonde was up and out of her seat, heading to her locker as fast as she could. When she saw Finn standing there waiting for her, she smiled and approached him and he smiled back pulling her into a quick kiss. When Clarke pulled back she saw Lexa looking at them like she didn't care that she had just been caught by the blonde. 

"Hey are you okay " Finn asked looking at her with concern. "Clarke. Clarke" Finn asked shaking her shoulders gently.

"Huh, oh yeah, I just feel a bit sick. I'm gonna head to the bathroom. Meet me in the cafeteria?" Clarke replied and kissed him on the check, leaving before he could answer.

Once she was in the bathroom she took deep breath and counted in her head. The door to the bathroom opened, but the blonde was so caught up in her breathing that she didn't notice the figure of a slim girl.

"I can see that you took him back" said the girl.

Clarke jumped at the sound of the girl voice and when she turned to face her all she could see was green. The colour she had loved most at one point but now hated.

"I don't think that what I choose to do or who I chose to forgive is any of your business" Clarke said not letting her voice show how she was really feeling. Heart broken.

"He will do it again, you know? He's not gonna wait until you're ready" Lexa said.

 

Clarke just laughed at the words that came out of Lexa's mouth and said "Who said I'm not ready, Lexa? Who said I haven't done it already with him ? ..... huh, you? Because you don't know who I am anymore. People change. You clearly did" Clarke saw hurt in Lexa eyes for a second but was covered up by her normal stone cold face.

"Please, tell me you didn't ..... That you didn't give the one thing he wanted just so he wouldn't cheat" 

Clarke looked down at her feet and then back up at Lexa before saying "I'm not a child anymore... I made my own choice and you have no say in what I do with MY BOYFRIEND."

"BUT HE'S CHEATER, CLARKE! HE DOESN'T CARE ABOUT YOU! HE ONLY WANTS TO HAVE SEX! HOW CANT YOU SEE THAT?! ..... He's going to break your heart again" whispering the last part. 

Clarke looked at Lexa and tried to stop the tears from running down her face because she knew that it true but she would NEVER admit that, especially not to Lexa. "Says you. How many girls have you slept with, huh?  
Hundreds and you probably broke their heart. You no longer spoke to them because you got the one thing you where after. And you know what? STOP judging Finn because from where I stand you're exactly like him, because you broke my heart too Lexa, so you and him are no different" with that Clarke wiped her tears she didn't know had fallen and left, leaving a stunned Lexa in the bathroom with Clarke's words running through her mind.

 

"You broke my heart to Lexa".


	2. Playing with fire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke plays with some fire
> 
> Also love to here what you think of the story so far and tell if you want a gp Lexa or not 
> 
> Apologies if there are any mistakes  
> Enjoy;)

After Clarke's run in with Lexa in the bathroom Clarke went to the cafeteria where she told Finn she would meet him. She saw him sitting with O, Raven and Bellamy, O's brother. She sat down next to Finn who immediately put his arm around her and pulled her onto his lap.  
"You okay?" asked Finn   
"Yeah, I'm just a bit tired" Clarke replied. Finn just nodded, but from the corner of her eye Clarke could see Lexa walking pass them. 

Lexa sat down with the other rebels from the school, who sat across from Clarke and her friends. Clarke could tell Lexa sat there purposely so she could watch her and Finn together. She looked over at Lexa who was staring at her and they made eye contact for 5 seconds until Clarke had an idea pop into her head.

"Hey Finn, do you wanna come over tonight? my mom's having a late night shift and she shouldn't be home, so we'll have the WHOLE HOUSE TO OURSELVES" she said loud enough for Lexa to overhear.

Finn had the biggest smile in his face and when she turned to look at Lexa, she was grabbing her fork so hard that her knuckles were white and her face was red from anger. Lexa was looking at Clarke with a look that said "don't do this" but Clarke just smiled and while Finn kissed her on the cheek and said he'd be over at 9. Meanwhile her friends were giggling and making "ooo" noises around the table. 

The bell rang and everyone started moving apart from Lexa, who stayed seated still staring at Clarke. Finn stood up with Clarke and kissed her on the lips, but when he went to pull away Clarke pulled him back to deepen the kiss, because she knew Lexa was still there looking at them. After she finally pulled away from Finn he smiled and said " I can't wait for tonight" and left after kissing her again. 

Clarke looked to where Lexa had been sitting but she was gone. At this Clarke frowned but went to her last class if the day.

After school Clarke was waiting for Raven and O to tell them about there plans for the weekend when she saw Lexa standing by her bike and smoking. Lexa was on the phone with someone and it sounded like she was getting angry. "But what am I supossed to do? I haven't had any this morning, so you have to have something anything.........no I don't care if it's stronger just .....I'll take it, okay? .........I'll pick it up at 8 tonight. Okay..... swear you won't tell anyone, that's the last thing I need.... okay. See you then. Yeah, double the money. Got it, bye" Lexa then got in her bike and drove away at a fast speed. 

Clarke's heart sunk at what she just heard "I guess the rumours are true" she said out loud with a sigh. 

"What rumours?" asked Raven with O standing next to her with a questionable look. 

"It's nothing, don't worry" Clarke responded 

"Its not nothing if someone spreading stuff about you. Me and O will teach them a lesson" Raven said with O nodding while cracking her knuckles. 

"No, no. It's not me, it's Lexa" Clarke said 

"Oh yeah, that girl's got more rumours the one of the Kardashians" O said

"Why do you care anyways? She picked that life over you, Clarke, this isn't your fault" Raven said. 

"I know it just... she was my best friend and to actually see her like this..." 

"We know Clarke, but there's nothing you can do, just let her do what she wants. 

"You're right, she knows what she's doing, doesn't she?" 

"Well if she didn't she would be dead by now" O said. 

The word "dead" echoed in Clarke's head and she shook her head at the thought. 

"Anyways what did you want to tell us Clarke" 

"Oh, do you wanna stay this weekend? I already asked my mom and she said it was okay" 

"Yeah, of course. But are you sure you don't want that to be Finn after today?" Raven and O giggled. 

"No, i think I just really need you girls this weekend" she said, while the other girls nodded. 

"Well, I'll see you two tommorrow " Clarke waved and she walked away. 

She had Finn coming over in a couple of hours but all she could think about was who was Lexa taking to and whether would she be okay or not.


	3. The high life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa get way to high  
> Clarke night get ruined 
> 
> Comment really make my day  
> Also I know chapter are short but I will try and update everyday

It was 8:50P.M. and Clarke was making sure everything was ready for Finn to come over. She already knew wasn't going to have sex with him. She was just picking a movie to watch when she heard loud banging at the front door. 

She looked out the window to see if it was Finn or the kids who liked to play knock-knock-run on doors but when she couldn't see anyone so she went back to the living room.

She heard the loud banging again and this time she didn't look out the window first because it didn't stop, so she walked towards the door and open it ready to shout at the kids in the street for messing with her. But when she opened it all she could see was a very high Lexa. 

"Lexa, what are you doing here? You need to go home. Finn's coming over in a couple of minutes"Clarke said 

However Lexa didn't answer and just pushed Clarke out of the way and walked in, throwing herself on the sofa.

"Lexa you need to leave go and take your bullshit somewhere else. I can't be dealing with this shit tonight" 

Lexa just sat up and looked at her, sighing loudly.

"Are you going to say anything, or are going to just sit there and stare at me?" Clarke was now getting angry with her ex best friend 

"There's nothing to say" Lexa replied 

"NOTHING TO SAY?! You force your way into my house at night ruining my night with my boyfriend, you have clearly taken something and you have nothing to say to me?!" Lexa didn't meet her eye contact because if she did she knew Clarke could read her so well. 

"I'm sorry" Lexa said, her voice breaking a bit. 

Clarke heart dropped at the words that come out of Lexa mouth but then she remembered Lexa was high and it didn't mean anything. "It's too late for sorry Lexa....... I don't want to hear it, okay? Now listen to me Lexa, really closely okay....." Clarke could see the hurt in Lexa's face and this time Lexa didn't cover it up wit. Her normal stone cold face was gone, making it easy for Clarke to see that she had really hurt her feelings, but Clarke knew that Lexa would only break her heart again. "You need to go home. I will drive you but you can never come to this house again, okay? It hurts me to much to see you like this and it's not fair to me. So I'm gonna text Finn and you can start getting in the car and wait for me. Can you do that?" Clarke said.

Lexa just wiped her face and nodded.

There were a few street away from Lexa's house when Lexa finally spoke "Can you just drop me off at one of my friend houses? Or you could drop me off here, and I'll just walk" Lexa said while tapping on her side of the door.

"I don't think it's the best idea, do you? I mean you're probably just going to get more drugs" Lexa just rolled her eyes and mumbles something under her breath that Clarke didn't get so Clarke asked her what she'd said 

"I said it doesn't matter, so just drop me off here" 

"No, I'm taking you home. You're not walking the streets like this. Anything could happen to you Lexa" 

"It wouldn't have been the first time" she mumbled "Look Clarke, I get that you're pretending that you care because you wanna keep up this good girl image, and maybe make your self feel better, but don't bother". 

Clarke pulled the car over and locked the doors from the inside so when Lexa tried to open the door it wouldn't let her. 

"Open the God damm door Clarke!" 

"How dare you how could you think I don't care about you, Lexa?! You were my best friend I loved you"Clarke had tears coming down from her eyes.

Lexa looked over at her and wiped the tears away and whispered "But not in they way I love you" Lexa then hit the button so the door unlocked and got out of the car and ran away. 

Clarke just stared at the seat where her ex best friend had just told her she was in love with her .


	4. Now you see me now you don't

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy :)

It was now the weekend and Clarke hadn't seen Lexa at all. She wasn't in her class and Clarke started to get more and more worried, knowing that she let Lexa walk out of her car at nighttime and did nothing to stop her.

Being the weekend, she was waiting for O and Raven to come over and start their sleepover. When she heard an engine roar, she knew it was her friends, so she opened the door, just to be pulled in a group hug. 

"God it does feel like forever since we had a sleep over doesn't it" Raven said as O walked past them and sit on the sofa smiling. 

"Why are you so happy?" Clarke asked O 

"OMG, she hasn't told you yet?" Raven says 

"Told me what?" Clarke asks confused 

"I've only gone and got a date with Lincoln and we have all been invited to his party next weekend" O basically screams in excitement 

"wow, that great O. And who will be going to his party next weekend?" Clarke was curious if Lexa would be attending because she was quite close to Lincoln, but as she now was skipping school, that might be the only chance she was going to get to see if she was alive and well.

"Oh, you know, just some of Lincoln's friends. He said that it's just a party to relax and chill together, but that will probably change" 

Clarke looked at her waiting for her to say who was going but she gave Clarke a questioning look and then Clarke finally said "Names O, I need names" 

"Oh, emm... well, us, Bellamy, maybe Anya, Atom and.... I don't know all their names. Oh, Lexa probably won't come though" O said with a frown 

"Why? What wrong with Lexa? Is she sick? d¡Did something happen to her? Is that why she hasn't been coming to school?" Clarke was in full panic mode now and her friends could tell.

"Calm down, Clarke. I think she's fine. I was just saying that she's probably not coming though because Lincoln told her that there will be no drugs and she wouldn't be able to shoot up on anything" O said reassuring her. 

"Why are you so worried? Did something happen?" Raven said. 

Clarke took a couple of deep breaths to try and calm herself and started to explain her Friday night with Lexa and everything that happened. She purposely left out the part where Lexa told her that she loved her as more then just a friend. The other two girl hugged Clarke and said that she did the right thing telling her that it was too late to saying that she was sorry and that she did the right thing in telling Lexa she wasn't allowed near her house again.

Their night continued on a much happier note as they laughed and joked around with each other but when Finn's name was brought up Clarke went silent. 

"You do know he was bragging about you, don't you?" asked Octavia "I heard him talking to one of his friends about how you were in bed and what you let him do to you and everything" 

Clarke felt sick how could Finn be saying this.

"Yeah, I also hear that to he said that you were begging him, and so he happily gave you what you wanted. He also said some pretty detailed stuff that only someone like him would say" continued Raven.

"What details?" asked Clarke.

"emm, you know, just boy stuff" at that Clarke raised an eyebrow at the girl and Raven knew she wanted to hear everything he had said "He said that you were really tight and that he enjoyed degrading you and that you were a screamer and that you kept begging him for more and that he was ball deep inside you... just stuff like that" 

Clarke just laughed which confused the other girls.

"Clarke, why are you laughing? He's telling everyone. This stuff shouldn't be shared. At least not with the whole school" O said. 

"I'm laughing because I haven't had sex with Finn, or anyone for that matter. He really likes to blow his own horn, doesn't he?" Clarke said between fits of laughter.

"But what about the other night? and why did you tell Lexa that you did?" Raven asked

"Yeah, and what about in the cafeteria at school? What was that all about?" O asked.

"Well, I couldn't really with Lexa coming over and I was just trying to make Lexa jealous in the cafeteria. It obviously worked, by the way" 

"What do you mean it worked? And why would she be jealous?" Raven asked.

"Because she got angry and Lexa has always been the jealous kind when it came to me and boys, so this was the perfect plan." 

O and Raven just looked at each other and decided to change the subject and get some pizza.

The next morning the girls had to leave because Clarke promised to her mother to do whatever she had planned. She waved goodbye to the girls and went upstairs to have a shower. When she came out she saw her mother "So what happening today then?" Clarke asked. 

"Well, me and your father have decided to take us out for dinner" Abby said.

Clarke smiled and started to get ready. 

Later they pulled up to the restaurant and after they all got out the car, they walked into the restaurant.

"Griffins" Jake said.

The waiter pointed to where they were going to be sitting and Clarke could see two people already sitting there. As she get closer the could see that it is the Woodses. And that meant Lexa was there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you guys think and give me some ideas


	5. Home truths

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Griffins and wood meal

The Griffins approached the table the Woodses where sitting at and Abby smiled at them, saying "it's so good to see you again Mrs Woods. And Lexa of course" 

Lexa looked like she had seen a ghost and when Clarke and her eyes met Lexa eyes widened. She had been avoiding Clarke all week after she admitted she was in love with her and now she had to sit through dinner with her and her family. Lexa knew the only way to get out of this was to be rude. 

"It good to see you to and Clarke looking stunning as ever" Mrs. Woods said. 

At that Lexa rolled her eyes and bit her lip. Clarke gave her a questioning look but didn't say anything.

"wow, well, this is really lovely and all....... but I have places to be. Here I was sitting thinking this would be some sort of intervention but I guess not, so I'll see you all again in another few years" Lexa went to stand up but her mother pulled her back down.

"I'm sure you can wait a couple more hours" her mother snappedat her. Lexa knew she was talking about shooting up because that all she wanted to really do. 

Lexa nodded as she didn't want to get into this conversation in front of the Griffins.

The conversation flowed between the parent and Clarke but Lexa didn't speak.

"So what have you been up to, Lexa?" asked Abby, curious at what was happening in her daughter's ex-besfriend's life. 

"Nothing" Lexa replied quickly.

Abby nodded, but she also knew something was off with Lexa, her being a doctor and all. Lexa's hands were shaking and she looked like she was sweating, even though she was just sitting. Abby could only wish her diagnosis wasn't true, and that what she was seeing was just a dream. 

"You should come over more Lexa. We loved to see more of you and I'm sure Clarke would too" Clarke froze at her father's statement and looked up to Lexa, waiting for her answer to her father. 

"I'm busy" Lexa said.

Her mother looked at her so Lexa decided that short sentences weren't going to work anymore so she decided to elaborate "I'm to busy shooting up to come round you house ohh ......sorry I guess my mother hasn't told you, has she?" 

The Griffins' faces fell as they were in shock. 

"Yes I'm addicted to heroin, all I can think about right know is how much I'm going to take in about 10 minutes when this stupid dinner is over with, and how much I can't wait for that moment" Lexa said with the blunted expression on her face as if she hadn't just admitted to doing drugs and that she'd just had a normal conversation with them. 

Lexa mum looked over at Lexa and she just shruged her shoulders and said "Abby's a doctor. She already knew from the moment she sat down, so I might as well teld her. It doesn't matter" 

"I can get you help, Lexa" Abby said. 

Lexa nodded and looed over to Clarke who was staring at her hoping she would accept the help.

"You know what? I don't want the help. I like the feeling, so why would I give something up like that for nothing in return?" Lexa asked as she finally looks back over to Abby. 

"You will want the help hopefully before you overdose. Have you overdosed Lexa?" Abby asked looking all over her face waiting for an answer. 

Lexa thought of the answer, thinking whether she should tell her the truth, that she had lost count, or just not answer. In the end she just said "Depends on what drug you're asking me that I've overdosed on" 

Abby nodded her head, while Lexa mum was stunned. Her daughter had never spoken about her addiction to anyone, and definitely not a doctor. 

"Let me help you Lexa" Abby said 

"No" Lexa replied and continued eating to let everyone know that the conversation had ended and she wouldn't speak about it anymore.

5 minutes later Lexa got up and told her mother that she would be back after using the bathroom. 

Her mother watched her walk into the bathroom and looked back to Abby and said "I don't know what to do with her.....not anymore. She doesn't want any help"

Abby took her hand over the table and hold it. 

It's been ten minutes since Lexa left for the bathroom, so Clarke said that she would go and look for her. When Clarke entered there only on toilet stall locked and she knew who it was in it, so she knocked on the door. 

"Hey Lex, it's Clarke. Can you open up for me?" 

The door opened and Lexa was rolling down her sleeve and putting something in her bag that Clarke guesses was her drugs. 

"Hey Clarke" Lexa said slowly with a smile in her face. 

Clarke looked at Lexa's eyes. They were red and sore but she was also looking at the arm of the sleeve she had just rolled down.

"You know it's rude to stare and not answer when spoken to right?" asked Lexa, annoyed.

Clarke didn't answer her but grabbed Lexa's arm and rolled up her sleeve until she could see the bruising and the cuts in the arms. 

"It's not nice to stare Clarke" Lexa said in a whisper. 

Clarke looked up to Lexa with tears in her eyes,"How could you do this to yourself, Lexa?"

Lexa looked at her and frowned while holding back her own tears "It numbs the pain" Lexa said, pulling her arm away from Clarke's grip and rolled down her sleeve, leaving the bathroom with Clarke trailing behind her. When they both reached their table, their parents were both standing as the dinner was now over.

They waved to each other, Lexa being the first to leave on her motorbike, speeding off not telling her mother if she would be back tonight or back at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think also update won't always be this fast as I have college and assgments to do :( 
> 
> Thanks for reading


	6. Guess who's back for now

The rest on the weekend went by slowly for Clarke. All she wanted was to see Lexa because her mother had told the Griffins she hadn't been home and nobody had seen her. This made Clarke worry. Maybe she was completely fine but something inside Clarke's mind told her otherwise.

It was now Monday and like always Clarke got herself ready for school, kissed her mother goodbye and went to meet Raven and O. When they saw her, they could tell that Clarke looked distressed and was looking all over the school carpark for someone.

"Who are you looking for Clarke?" O asked. 

"emmm, have you guys seen Lexa at all? I'm really worried about her" Clarke replied while still looking around the carpark for Lexa or even her bike. 

Her friend gave each other both a look, and seeing this Clarke asked getting angry with her friends for keeping this from her "What? Do you know where she is?"

"No, but she went to I think one of Bellamy friends' party and he said she got fucked up, like really fucked up, on something" O said 

"Well, is she okay?!" asked Clarked a little distressed 

"I don't know. She's not my friend" O answered and Clarke just pushed past them and went to class. Clarke could see they didn't know anything else.

She had the class she normally had with Lexa this morning but of course she wasn't there. She kept looking at the door every 5 minutes to see if she would come through but she didn't. After that class she made her way to her locker to put some books in, and when she opened it up, saw a picture of her and Lexa when they where still best friends. She smiled sadly.

"Glad you kept them" said a voice from herside of her and when Clarke looked over, she saw green. She had never been happier to see that shade of green than n that moment. Clarke pulled Lexa into a hug and pulled her in really close so if Lexa did try to reject it should couldn't. Lexa was surprised at first but hugged Clarke like she was holding on for her life.

"Don't you dare do that to me again" Clarke said while tears escaped her eyes.

"Clarke" Lexa said as just a whisper.

Clarke finally pulled back from Lexa, and really had a look at her face this time. She looked tired. She had black cycles under her eyes and she looked sick, like she would fall to the ground at any minute.

"Lexa, what's wrong? why do you look like this?" Clarke said. 

"wow, way to throw compliments my way, huh?" Lexa said while smiling tiredly.

Clarke gave her a serous look so Lexa thought she should better answer properly. So she just said "I'm just a bit tired" 

"Yeah, I can see that, but that's not all" 

"No, you're right. I also look like this because I took some dodgy shit at a party. Guess I should have just stuck to my normal" said Lexa while rubbing the back of her neck nervously.

The bell rang and student started to move to their next lessons. 

"Lexa, come round after school today and don't tell me you can't because you're busy. Can you just not do that for a couple of hours and spend some time with me?" Clarke asked with hopefull eyes.

Lexa gave it a though. She could go a couple of hours right? "Of course, Clarke. Anything for you. I'll come by straight after school" 

Clarke gave Lexa a once over to make sure she wasn't lying. When she saw no signs of lying she nodded and left. 

Lexa could do this for Clarke.

Or could she?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked where this story is heading


	7. To far this time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things go a little to far 
> 
> Enjoy :)

The rest of the school day went slowly for Lexa as she wondered why Clarke wanted her to go round her house. A part of Lexa's mind thought maybe this would be the talk she would have with Clarke, where Clarke would finally confess her fellings for Lexa. But realistically she knew that probably that wasn't why she wanted her to come over. Instead Lexa started thinking that this was the "I can help you ". Yes, it had to be that one.

The bell for the last lesson rang and the students started leaving the class but Lexa felt anxious. Her hands were sweating and she was pretty sure she looked like she had just ran a few miles.

Lexa walked out of the school and started heading towards her bike when she saw Clarke and Finn making out next to his car. Her blood boiled as she watched him start groping her ass. How dare he touch her Clarke like this? Lexa shook her head. She's not yours. Why would she want to be with you? you're just some poor,s ad little druggy that no one cares for. Might as well end it now. Lexa gave the couple one last look before she got on her motorbike and drove off. She knew how to get Clarke out of her head.

Lexa knew she had to go to Clarke's but after seeing her with Finn and watching him touch her she needed to take her anger out and relax. She knew her mother wouldn't be home anytime soon, so she called Costia, a girl that she fucked on a regular basics. After she called her up and she knew she was coming very soon, she decided to at least let Clarke know that she couldn't make it, so she quickly texted her. 

Lexa: I can't come tonight I have this assignment due. sorry

She didn't wait for Clarke's reply as there was a knock on the door, so opened it and her lips are attack by a red head, Costia.  
Lexa picked her up and Costia put her legs around Lexa's waist, while Lexa walked to her room. A soon as they were in her room, Lexa removed nearly all of Costia clothes in a heartbeat.

 

"Hey, slow down a little. We have time today, Lex" Costia said in between kisses.

Lexa just grunted and pushed her on to the bed, removing her own clothes until she was in her underwear as well.

 

"I could have done that" Costia commented while Lexa got on top of her and started kissing her neck, make Costia moan. 

Lexa was so wrapped up in making out with Costia that she didn't hear the front door open and close. 

 

Her bedroom door come flying open with a angry Clarke standing there, so Lexa got off of Costia as fast as possible.

"Leave, NOW!" Clarke said looking at Costia with anger in her eyes. 

Costia looked at Lexa, asking her what to do. Lexa nodded her head, so Costia grabbed her clothes and walked out the room.

While Costia was leaving, Clarke didn't move her eyes from Lexa, making Lexa shift awkwardly on her feet as she was still only in her underwear in front of Clarke, still quite excited from the previous activities. Lexa looked down at her crotch wishing it would go away but of course it still standing there strong. 

Lexa looked back up at Clarke who was clearly looking at what Lexa had just be staring at. Lexa felt happy by Clarke reaction, as it's clearly bigger than what Clarke has even seen. 

Lexa turn around and grabs her joggers from the floor,even though they wouldn't hide what she was packing. But at least they wouls put her at ease with Clarke's staring.

"How could you do this Lexa? I have an assignment my ass" Clarke said still staring at Lexa.

"I was going to come round Clarke but-" Lexa tried answering but was interrupted by Clarke.

"But what Lexa? You decide to get laid, rather than spend time with me? Do I really mean that little to you?" asked Clarke trying to keep her tears at bay.

"Of course you mean more to me, Clarke" Lexa said getting angry that Clarke would think she felt that was towards her .

"Then why did you pick her over me?" Clarke said moving closer to Lexa, the sadness being replaces by anger. 

Lexa just shrugged her shoulders. She can't tell Clarke the truth, that she was jealous of her and Finn. 

"I called off my plans with Finn tonight to spend time with you"

That all Lexa need to lose her temper the mention of his name. 

"GO THEN SPEND TIME WITH YOU LITTLE BOYFRIEND!" Lexa started walking toward Clarke until Clarke's back hits her door. Lexa leaned on to whisper on her ear "and I do literally mean little " Lexa looked Clarke up and down and then took a couple steps back to give Clarke some space.

"Don't speak about him like that" Clarke said while gritting her teeth. 

"What's wrong, Clarke? He's probably fucked hundreds of girls, while you are making him wait. You know he won't wait for you" 

Clarke slapped Lexa in the face at full force before turning around to leave but stopped when her hand was on the handle "You know what, Lexa? Fuck you!" she said with venom, slamming the door behind her. 

Lexa held her hand up to her red check. She went to far this time. She always goes to far.


	8. Party time or not

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lincoln's party  
> Things take a turn  
> Enjoy:)

It was the weekend of Lincoln's party. The three best friends were at Clarke's house getting ready, but while O and Raven couldn't wait for the party, Clarke still felt bad for slapping Lexa even though she deserved it. Didn't she?

"How can you not be as excited as me and Raven for this party, Clarke?"

"I am excited, but I'm not really in the party mood" Clarke replied

"We'll get in the party mood. Don't worry. As soon as we get you some alcohol in your system, you'll will be the old party girl Griffin" Raven said as she putting the last touches to her make up.

\--------------------

 

When the girls were leaving, they all looked at each other admiring the others' looks. Clarke was wearing a dark blue laces dress the really showed of her curves. She looked stunning as always.

The girls walked into the party fasionably late and there were people already passed out, while the others were dancing, basically dry jumping each other. Clarke eyes scanned the room as fast as she could looking for her green eyed friend that she had avoided all week. With no luck she got pulled to the table full of different kinds of alcohol.

"To a great night with my best friends" O screamed.

The three of them downed their drinks fast, even though Clarke didn't known for sure what it was. Then the girls dragged her to where the others were dancing, or at least a very bad version of it.

The girls danced for a long time, but when they got out of breath they all went different ways. O went to find Lincoln. Raven went to get herself more drinks and Clarke sat down on the couch to catch her breath.

After she sat there for a while she needed to use the bathroom, so she got up to find it. On her way there, she was pushed against a wall and when she opens her eyes to see who it is was, she saw it was Finn.

"Hey baby, I've been looking for you all night" his word were slurred and he has most of his body weight crushing Clarke.

"Of course you have" Clarke replied dryly, annoyed at his drunkenness.

"On my way here I saw some empty bedrooms......how about we go there?" he asked smiling while playing with her hair.

"I'm not in the mood" Clarke said, trying to ease some of his weight because it starting to hurt now.

Finn punched the wall above her head which made Clarke flinch.

"You're never in the god damm mood! Don't worry, I wont hurt Clarke, I'll take good care of you" Finn started kissing her neck and face.

"Finn, stop.......Finn!" Clarke trying to shove him off of her.

Suddenly Finn got thrown back against the other wall.

"She told you to stop!" Lexa said while gritting her teeth.

Finn stood back up and went to grab Clarke but Lexa pushed him away from her and stood in between him and Clarke, protecting her.

Finn tried to punch Lexa but she easily blocked it and punched him in the face, making his nose start to bleed. Finn got back up and rugby tackled Lexa to the ground, so he was pinning her drown and started punching her in the face. Lexa easily rolled over so she was pinning him down and punched him, punch after punch. All she could see was red. 

She felt a hand on her shoulder and went to atack whoever tried to stop her until she saw it was Clarke. Clarke helped Lexa stand up andwhen she looked Clarke in the eye and all she could see in them was fear. Clarke is scared of me, Lexa thought. She started to walk toward her but Clarke backed up until she hit the wall.

"Clarke" Lexa whispered to her, but Clarke just look down at her bloody hand, then to Finn's face and then back to Lexa's.

Lexa looked down at her hands. Why does she always take things too far.

"You need to leave Lex. I think someone called the cops and if you don't want to go to jail, you should go" Lincoln said beside Lexa.

Lexa looked at Clarke one more time and nodded her head before leaving.

Lexa was walking for a couple of minutes until she found an outdoor tap where she started scrubbing her hands of his blood. Or maybe it was hers. She didn't know, but she needed to get it off. She could already hear police cars in the background. 

When Lexa finally got home, she showered to try and wash the night away but it's no use. Clarke scared of her.

She about to get into bed when she heard a knock at the door. She opened it expecting it to be the police because someone probably told on her.  
But when the door opened, she was met with blue eyes and was pulled in for a hug. Lexa hugged her so tight because she thought she had just lost her forever. Clarke was the first to pull away.

"Thank you" she said as she was pulling away.

Lexa smiled a sad smile at her "Do you wanna come in?" 

Clarke nodded her head and Lexa stepped aside for Clarke to come in.

"Don't worry, no one said anything to the police about you"

Lexa nodded her head and started to head upstairs hoping Clarke would follow her. She did. Clarke sat down on Lexa's bed and Lexa sat down next to her.

"You can stay here tonight. It's to late for you to try and get home" Lexa said acting as if she was asking the girl to marry her the girl, with how nervous she was. 

Clarke laughed "wow, you do move quick woods " Clarke said with a raised eyebrow.

"No..... I-I didn't mean it like that, Clarke" Lexa said. 

"Well, I guess this is one way for you to get me into your bed.........but keep your hands to yourself. I've heard what they and your little friend can do" Clarke says looking Lexa in the eye, Lexa pouted and frowned 

"It's not little" Lexa whisperered to herself. 

But of course Clarke heard it "Oh, I know it isn't" Clarke replied and climbed up into Lexa bed.

Lexa left to get Clarke a top and shorts to sleep in, and when she handed them to her and went to leave, Clarke stoped her "Really, Lexa? You get me in your bed and you're missing the chance to see me naked?" 

Lexa turned around slowly but when Clarke started to undress, Lexa turned back around. Clarke laughed when she saw Lexa. 

"I thought you had game Woods" Clarke teased her. 

"I do, but this is different" Lexa said getting into bed next to Clarke 

"Different how?" Clarke asked curious about what she meant.

"Because this is you and you're not like them.......... you're Clarke and you mean so much more to me" Clarke smiled and snuggled closer to Lexa 

"they're right, you know? You do have some game" Clarke said smiling and kissed Lexa cheek.


	9. Let me help

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the morning after

Clarke was the first to wake up and she looked up to Lexa from where she was snuggling against her neck. Lexa looked the most relax and at ease she had be in a long time.

Clarke moved to snuggle closer to Lexa but when Lexa grunted Clarke stopped immediately, as she felt something hard rubbing against her leg that was draped across Lexa body. 

Clarke slowly looked down and saw a large size bulge digging into her leg. Clarke looked back up to Lexa who now awake and was looking at Clarke.

"Definitely not small" Clarke whispered with a smile in her eyes. 

Lexa kept her eyes locked with Clarke as she didn't know what to do next. Clarke slowly rolled off of Lexa so she was on her back next to her. Lexa sat up and gave Clarke an apologetic look, starting to walk toward her bathroom.

"Where are you going?" Clarke asked, acting innocently. 

Lexa turned around to look at Clarke who was lying on her side. God she looks like a goddess, Lexa thinks.

"I, uh, I have to, uh, you know" gesturing towards her crotch.

Clarke pulled a confused face, wanting Lexa to explain herself as she loved making her blush.

"Clarke, you know what I'm talking about. Don't look at me like that" Lexa said looking anywhere but at Clarke.

Clarke got up and walked towards Lexa until she was in front of her. This is going to be fun, Clarke thinks. 

"I don't know what your talking about." Clarke smiled 

Lexa lookd at her a little longer hoping Clarke would say she pretending but she didn't, so Lexa looked at the floor and begin to speak.

"I have to take care of it. I won't be long" Lexa says and as fast a she could she run into the bathroom so Clarke wouldn't question her anymore.

Once in the shower Lexa looked down at her bulge and sighed "really? Couldn't you wait?" Lexa rolled her eyes and undressed, getting into the shower.

She ran her hand up and down her shaft and started to pump until she finally came while thinking of Clarke.

 

\----------------------------

 

Clarke stayed at Lexa's house for the rest of the weekend. She cleaned Lexa's cuts on her hands and face, where Finn had hit her.

They were both lying in Lexa bed watching Netflix, when the sound of Lexa phone went off. Lexa reached for it but Clarke quickly grabbed it.

"It's from an unknown number. They said that your package is ready for you to come and get it" Clark said as her face fell. In that moment Lexa got another text from Costia "oh and one of your little whores wants to see you tonight" Clarke said throwing the phone at Lexa.

"I'll be back soon, okay? Just don't leave" Lexa said hoping Clarke wouldn't leave.

"Well, now I know where you've been going during the night. Which one is it, Lexa? To get high or laid?" Clarke felt herself start to get angry. Or maybe jealous.

"I haven't seen Costia since the day you walked in on us" Lexa replied honestly, while Clarke raised her eyebrow and shaked her head, unbelieving. 

"And here I thought I was stopping you. I thought I was helping you stay clean for at least the weekend" Clarke couldn't believe that Lexa had waited for her to sleep to shoot up. No, actually she could because Lexa would do anything to be high. 

"You did help. I didn't think about doing it as much as I normally do Clarke" Lexa said taking Clarke's hands in hers "but even you, the most precious and pure person in the world, won't be able to help me." she said. Then in a whisper she added "No one can"

"My mom can help you. Let her, please. Can you do this? Not for me, but for you" Clarke asked as she brought Lexa's hands to her mouth and kissed the back of them. "You're to young to ruin your life, and you're to young to die Lexa" Clarke now had streams of tears coming down her face "I can't lose you. Not again"

Lexa nodded her head. Even though she had asked her not to, she would also do this for Clarke, because she had already caused her to much pain, and she knew she owed her that much.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter will be longer but I probably won't update for a few days as I have to go back to college :(


	10. Do I want her ?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter the longest I've written I'm not sure how I feel about it  
> I finished it earily so posting today  
> Enjoy:)

Clarke and Lexa decided to go to Lexa's mother first to tell her that Lexa finally would accept help. Lexa was nervous to what her mother's reaction would be.

Lexa was the first to go downstairs with Clarke trailing close behind. She took a deep breath and said 'Mom, can we you sit down? There is something I want to discuss with you' Lexa face was serious, which made her mother give her a worried look.

"Yeah, okay" her mother said not sure what to really say as she doesn't want to make Lexa worry about her reaction.

"I've decided that I need help for my addiction and that I'm willing to get better this time" her mother got up and hugged her so tightly that Lexa thought she couldn't breathe, but she didn't say anything because she just needed her mothers love.

"You're really going to do this?" her mother asked.

Lexa nodded her head and hugged her mother tighter 

"So what's the plan then?' Clarke asked, looking at Lexa and her mother still hugging. 

Lexa looked back to Clarke and smiled.

"Lets tell Abby" Lexa replied.

The two girls headed over to Clarke's house to ask Abby if the offer of helping Lexa still stood. When they stoped in front of Clarke's house, Lexa stoped walking. Clarke carried on until she noticed Lexa wasn't there. Clarke turned around and looked at Lexa who was standing in the middle of the pathway to the house, just standing while holding her arms tightly around herself.

Clarke held her hand out to lexa but the other didn't take it and just continues staring at it like its something she had never seen before. Instead of holding it, she pulled out her pack of cigarettes and lighted one up. She then looked to Clarke and held her packet out to her. Clarke shaked her head, so Lexa started walking toward the door still smoking her cigarette. 

She stoped just in font of the door, droped her cigarette and put it out with her foot, looking back to Clarke who was walking to her side. 

Lexa knocked on the door and waited for someone to answer. When to door opened Abby looked at Lexa and smiled at her.

"And what do I own for this plesure?" Abby asked.

"I need your help" upon hearing her answer, Abby looked at Lexa and nodded her head, moving to a side for the girls to walk in.

Once they got inside, they sat on the couch with Abby in front of them. Lexa was playing with her hands and she was sweating, while Abby was watching her behavior. 

"When was the last time you took anything?" Abby asked still watching Lexa like a bird watching its pray.

"Em....... like a day ago or something, but I'm not sure" Lexa said wiping the sweat off of her forehead and fiddling with her sleeves. Clarke was looking at her worried.

"i need to ask you a some questions and i want you to answer then honestly' Abby said waiting for Lexa to answer. When Lexa nodded she lokked at Clarke and continued "Maybe you should leave, clarke. She's only going to get worse" 

Clarke looked at her mother with a questioning look, then she looked to lexa who just nodded her head.

"You should do what your mother tells you. You're not going to like the answers, and i don't want you to know" Lexa didn't meet Clarke's eyes when she spoke because she could feel the other girl's eyes burning a hole in her sole.

"Maybe I should give you two some room to talk" Abby sais while standing up and leaving the room. But clarke gaze didn't move from Lexa.

Once Abby had left the room Clarke finally spoke "Dont push me away again, Lexa. We are going to get through this together" 

Clarke then tried to take Lexa's hand in hers but Lexa pulled away.

"What are you doing? Don't do this" Clarke said watching Lexa walking up and down the room.

Lexa didn't speak for a while but she finally did "I-I need to do this on my own clarke. I need to do this and you cant be around for that. Once I'm better we can-"

"We can what, Lexa?!" Clarke could feel her temper start rising.

"We can start over again. Get to know each other all over again" Lexa said, sitting back next to Clarke.

"I already know you Lexa" 

"No, you dont. You know nothing about me. That's why I want you to leave when I'm answering the questions that your mother wants to asks me. Because it's going to scare you away. You only know that piece of me that I want you to know, the good side, but others, they know the real me"

"Lexa, I know you. You were my best friend"

"Exactly! Were! I'm not anymore and I have done a lot of things that I not proud of, most when I was high. So please, leave" Lexa looked at clarke and saw the hurt expression her face, but Lexa knew she has to do this on her own. She couldn't always rely on clarke and, specialy being a drug addicted person, she defiantly knew she's shouldn't reply on people.

"So, what are you saying is that we can't be friends until your better?" Clarke asked 

"Once I'm better yes. So for now you need to keep your distance. It's not healthy for you to be around me at this time" Lexa answered.

Clarke had tear in her eyes when she left the room and slammed the door. A couple of minutes after clarke left, Abby entered the room again. 

"You did what was best" said Abby giving her a small smile "Alright, lets begin"

\--------------------------------------------------------------------

Lexa was given a plan she had to follow. She stayed at Abby's house while she was having withdrawals symptoms, because Abby was a doctor and could help if something went wrong. She didn't speak to Clarke during this time, both trying to avoid each other as much as they could.

It was the last day were she would be staying with Abby, as she no longer had the withdrawals symptoms but Abby wanted her to stay on more day to make sure that everything was fine.

Lexa was helping Abby with cooking when Clarke can into the room with Finn not for behind. Lexa looked up and locked eyes with Clarke but a soon as she saw who was behind her Lexa gritted her teeth. And looked back to chopping vegtables, grabbing the knofe a bit tighter than before.

"Hey Mrs. Griffin" Finn said with a big smile.

Abby just forced a smile and looked to Clarke who was still watching Lexa.

"We'll just be in my room. Oh and Finns staying for dinner, so call us when dinner is ready" Clarke said to her mother and left the room with Finn.

"God, I really hate that boy" Lexa turns around to face Abby after hearing what she said "Never trusted him. I really don't see what Clarke sees in him"

Neither do I, Lexa thought.

\-----------------------------------------------------

"Lexa, would you mind going upstairs and telling them dinner is ready?" asked Abby while she cleaned the dishes they used.

Lexa nodded and walked up the stairs. Once she got to Clarke door she knocked and waited for the door to open.

It was openned by a rather sweaty Clarke. Lexa looked her all over. She had red cheeks and watery eyes, but she didn't look sad. Lexa then looked just behind Clarke to where Finn was zipping up his pants. Lexa just turned to look back at Clarke, who was still waiting to know what Lexa wanted.

"Dinner is ready" that's all Lexa said then she turned around a left, before Clarke could see how much that hurt her. 

\---------------------------------------------------------------

During dinner Lexa didn't speak at all. She was just playing with her food, eating slowly. She wasn't even listening to the conversation that everyone seemed to be engaged in.

"Lexa" Abbys said which dragges Lexa out of her thoughts.

"Huh" Lexa said looking at Abby.

"Finn asked you a question" Abby said, which made Lexa roll her eyes and look over at Finn waiting for whatever question he wanted to ask her.

"I asked you how long you and Clarke have been friends" Finn asked, but Lexa could feel that he wass trying to get to something.

"Em... a long time" Lexa replied. Really why does he even care, Lexa thought to herself.

"And emm........how long have you been in love with her exactly? or are you still fucking all your whores?" Lexa freezed. Did Clarke tell him? Was this on big joke to her? Lexa looked over to Clarke who was looking at Finn like he just shared a big secret.

"I'm not in love with Clarke" Lexa knew she lying but maybe if Clarke thought it was joke, then she was not going to let her feel the satisfaction of knowing. Was this boy really trying to win points with Clarke's mother? Good luck, Lexa thought.

"Oh come on, Lexa.... are you really going to lie?" Finn was staring at Lexa and Lexa starting to feel uncomfortable with him looking at her like that. Clarke looked at Lexa waiting to see what her answers going to be, because deep down she wanted to know if Lexa had been seeing anyone, as they didn't speak anymore.

"Are you going to lie, Finn?" 

"Lie about what, Lexa?"

"Come on! We all know you lie to Clarke. You're not going to sit here and say all this bulshit, when you're sleeping with anything that moves" Lexa laughed "I'm surprised you don't have an STDs' Lexa stared at him, challenging him.

"Same here, Lexa" 

Lexa pushed her chair to stand up and grab Finn but she stoped when Abby shouted 'THATS ENOUGH! THE BOTH OF YOU! HOW DARE YOU SPEAK OF THIS WHILE WE ARE EATING..........Clarke, see Finn out NOW'.

Clarke got up from her chair and grabbed Finn by the arm so she could walk him out the door. Even Clarke knew not to mess with her mother when she pissed off.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Once Finn was gone Abby told the girls they had to wash up and clean up after dinner. Clarke was about to protest saying that it wasn't even her, that it was Finn but her mother just told her that Finn was her boyfriend, so she would have to take the responsibility for what he had said that night.

Lexa and Clarke were in the kitchen washing up the plates when Lexa finally broke the awkward silence.

"Well, I thought you had a least a little class, but really? Doing it while your mother is downstairs? That's low, Clarke" Lexa said looking at the back of Clarke head as she was putting away the glasses.

Clarke sighed and turned around, walking back to the sink which was just in front of Lexa. 

"I'm not talking to you about this, since you seem to had forgotten that were no longer friends" answered Clarke

"Did he live up to your expectations?" Lexa said, taunting her. Then she laughed "I bet he wasn't even worth it' Lexa shaked her head while she was laughing.

"He was really worth it actually, and yes he did live up to my expectation" Clarke said, npt wanting to give Lexa the upper hand .

"Was he really?" Lexa said walking towards Clarke. 

Clarke turned around, and was face to face with Lexa. She hadn't thought Lexa would have gotten this close to her, but now she could feel the girl breath on her cheek. Clarke gulped at the closeness.

"See, Clarke? What you've seemed to forget is that i can tell when your lying" said Lexa, getting impossibly closer.

"I'm not" Clarke defended.

Lexa stroked Clarkes face and put a lock of her hair behind her ear, while Clarke kept her eyes locked with Lexa's as she felt her berthing speeding up.

"Bet he doesn't have this effect on you, does he?" Lexa leaned in closer until her mouth was next to Clarke's "does he?" she repited.

She can feel Clarke shiver, and that was what made Lexa smile. She liked to know what she could do to Clarke.

Lexa looked back into Clarke eyes, Lexa leaned in and kissed Clarke but she was going to stop when Clarke didn't kiss her back, but she could start feeling Clarke kissing her back a little, trying not to be obvious. Lexa felt hands on her chest and she was shoved back, stumbling a bit but she balanced herself. Lexa looked at Clarke and could see anger in her eyes.

"I HAVE A BOYFRIEND!" Clarke basically screamed at her.

"oh come on, Clarke... I know you want me, so don't say you don't. I could feel you kissing me back' Lexa started to walk back to pin Clarke in the corner, but stoped when Abby came back into the room after she heard shouting.

"Whats going on?....You know what? I dont care.....Just go to your rooms" Abby said angrily, looking between the two girls.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Later that night Clarke was lying in bed, thinking about to nights events. Did she want Lexa? She thought about this all night tossing and turning in her bed. That night she hardly had any sleep, she already knew the answer but didn't want to admit it to herself, after being hurt by Lexa so many times.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tell me what you think, like I said not sure about this chapter


	11. Let the games begin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What really went down with Clarke and Finn  
> Enjoy :)

Flashback before dinner

Clarke knew it was Lexa's last day staying at her house and when Clarke entered any room, Lexa would leave. Clarke missed talking to Lexa or having Lexa even acknowledged her existence. It still hurt Clarke that Lexa wasn't speaking to her, so she avoided the other girls as well. But Clarke knew one way that would get her to talk, and that way was Finn.

Clarke texted Finn that night asking him to meet her and of course he agreed, because he thought that that maybe meant he was getting another chance.

Clarke met Finn not far from her house and when she saw him he tried to pull her into a hug and kiss her but she pushed him away. Finn looked at her confused.

"I need you to do me a favour" Clarke said. Finn thought for a moment, but before he could refuse Clarke spoke up again "You owe me this after what you tried at the party"

"I already told you I was drunk and that I wouldn't force you into anything" Finn tried but he could see Clarke shocked facial expression "Fine," he relented "What do you won't me to do?"

Clarke told him the plan. He would come round her house and pretend to be Clarke's boyfriend, but when he asked why she was doing this, Clarke just told him not to ask questions.

When Clarke and Finn where inside her room Clarke told him they had to look like they had sex or some sort of intercourse. She knew her mother would send Lexa upstairs to get them because her mom would be to busy washing up the dishes from making the diner.

So when Clarke heard someone starting to clean the dishes, she ran into her bathroom and splashed some cold water in her face and in her eyes, and she told Finn to get ready which he did by unbuttoning his pants.

Clarke waited until there was a knock at the door. She opened it and she was right. Lexa was standing there. Clarke looked at Lexa and could see her looking all over her and then she watched as Lexa eyes look back at Finn and her face dropped. It worked, Clarke thought.

Clarke at least expected Lexa to say something, anything, but she didn't. She told them that dinner was ready.

What happened over dinner Clarke had nothing to do with but she guessed that Finn must had figured out that Lexa was in love with her because she would never tell anyone.

\--------------------

 

"He can't make you feel how I do" Lexa said.

No, No he can't, Clarke thought. When Lexa leaned in closer, Clarke could feel her heart rate get faster, while still watching Lexa's every movement.

When Lexa kissed her, it shocked her for a little bit, so she didn't respond but when she did she tried not to make it obvious. Luckily Lexa kept kissing her because it was the best felling in the world.

I'm not going to let Lexa have me this easily, Clarke thought so she pushed Lexa away. God, she missed Lexa's pillowed lips. Then Clarke remembered the plan she had made, and told Lexa she had a boyfriend which came on more of a scream then anything.

Lexa looked taken aback from that but Clarke watched Lexa start walking forward again. Thankfully for Clarke, Abby came into the room and told them to go to their rooms.

The words that Lexa said that night echoed in her mind "I know you want me" 

Clarke thought about it for awhile and finally admited to herself that she did want Lexa, even after she hurt her. 

Time to play hard to get. That was Clarke's last thought that night until sleep took her 

End of flash back  
\--------------------------------

It was the morning after dinner and Clarke walked into the kitchen where her mother and Lexa were sitting chatting about Lexa's plan about being sober.

"Right, well Lexa, I should be leaving for work" Abby looked over to Clarke and then back to Lexa "Can I trust you two not to have a screaming match while I'm gone? Lexa will be staying until I get home just to make sure she's got all the advice I can give her" with that Abby left. 

Clarke walked over to get herself a glass from the cabinet, but froze when she felt hands on her waist. She felt her hair being moved to the side so her neck was exposed. Clarke froze when she felt lips on her neck, a shiver running down her spine. The lips on her neck pulled back until she felt Lexa breath on her ear.

"I know you brought him round to get a reaction from me, Clarke" Lexa went back to kissing Clarke neck. 

Clarke relaxes and lets a tiny moan slip through her lips, which she then instantly regreted. she could fell Lexa's lip turn into a smirk. Play hard to get, Clarke reminds herself. She moved out of Lexa grasp, turned around and was met with lustful green eyes that are almost black. Clarke gulped at the sight. She had never seen this side of Lexa before, but she was so attracted to it.

"You see, I told you that I knew you" Lexa said as she placed her hand back of Clarke's hips. Lexa continued talking while getting even closer to Clarke "I also know you would never have sex or do anything while you mother is here" 

Clarke let out a breath she didn't know she was holding

"See? Classy. And I like classy women" said Lexa.

Then Clarke slowly took Lexa's hands in hers. Tthis made Lexa smile but that smile was wiped off, as soon as she realised Clarke just did it to get Lexa to let go of her.

"I'm not that easy Lexa, not for him and definitely not for you" Clarke said as she walked out of the kitchen. Swaying her hips because she knew Lexa wass watching.

Lexa was standing there stunned, watching Clarke walk away. No one's ever turned me down, I guess I was right, she's special, Lexa thought to herself.

"Let the games begin" Lexa whispered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Told you guys to trust me  
> What do you think about Clarke and lexa's little game they have going on ? 
> 
> Let me know what you think


	12. That's my girl

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy :)

As it was Lexa's last day staying with the Griffin family, Abby decided that having a dinner party with Lexa and her mother would be a great idea.

The two mothers sat at the heads of the table, Jake sitting close to his wife, while Clarke and Lexa sat next to each other.

During the dinner party Lexa started to get bored, when she looked at Clarke she seemed interested in whatever conversation was going on. Lexa then had a great idea pop into her head, she purposely pushed her fork so it would fall on the ground. She bent down to pick it up and moved her chair really close to Clarke as she could. To help herself get back up she put her hand on Clarke's thigh which made Clarke gasp a little as it was so high up.

When Lexa put the fork back on the table she looked at Clarke and smirked, tonight's going to be fun Lexa thought. 

She still had her hand on Clarke's thigh but no one could see her hand under the table.

Lexa started to get bored again so she moved her hand higher and moved it so her hand was resting on the inside of Clarke's thigh not far from her sex. Clarke froze, gripping her fork so tight Lexa could see her knuckles going white.

Lexa sat there smiling to herself when Abby said "Are you okay Clarke? You seem a bit tense, try not to break the fork sweetheart."

Clarke gave her mother a small smile and let go of the fork and her hands down into her lap.

Lexa started robbing small cycles on the inside of Clarke's thigh, gradually getting higher and higher until she felt a hand stop her.

Clarke held onto Lexa hand, as she was so high up her leg that one more inch would have Lexa touching her sex.

Lexa tried to move her hand up more but she couldn't as she had two firm hands holding her down preventing from moving, Lexa smiled at how hard Clarke was holding her hands. 

Lexa felt one of Clarke hand let go but the other still firmly in place. Lexa gave Clarke a questioning look but her jaw dropped her she felt Clarke hand running up a down her leg, that's my girl, fight fire with fire Lexa thought.

Clarke looked at her innocently and then put her hand on Lexa's dick. Lexa looked at her with wide eyes when Clarke leaned over and whispered in Lexa ear "I can hide mine, but you, you are so screwed" Clarke sat back in her chair and smirked, when she felt Lexa getting hard under her pants. 

Clarke sat there for a few more minutes until she felt Lexa was completely hard, so she retracted her hand and stood up. "I'm going to be in my bedroom, it was nice seeing you again Miss Woods" Miss Woods smiled at her and Clarke left to go to her bedroom.

Lexa was watching Clarke walk away in amazement, but then she looked down to her pants. What am I going to do about you Lexa thought to herself.

Lexa sat there a little while longer hoping her boner would go away but with no luck she stood from the table and turned her back to the parents and said she going to see Clarke.

Lexa knocked on Clarke's door and without waiting for an answer, just walked in.

"I wondered how long you would be" said Clarke with a raspy voice

"You need to take care of what you did to me" Lexa said walking over to Clarke who was sitting on her bed.

"Is that right? " Clarke asked with a grin. Lexa nodded her head. Clarke shaked her head while laughing, and before she could even think she said "and what about what you did to me?" Clarke could feel her cheeks turn bright red. 

Lexa leaned in closer to her " I could definitely take care of you" said Lexa bitting her lip "any way you want"

Clarke let out a shaky breath, " You better go and find someone who will take care of your little problem" Clarke teased. 

"I think we both know she's not little " Lexa smirked as she stood up just in front of Clarke and said " I guess you're all talk and no action"  
Lexa looked Clarke up and down an got up to turn around but stoped when she felt a hand pull at her arm. 

"Wouldn't you like to know" Clarke smirked and kissed Lexa on the cheek. Clarke opened her bedroom door to leave but stoped and said "You better take care of your little friend, I'll make up some sort of excuse for you". Clarke smirked as she could see Lexa getting annoyed with Clarke for calling her dick little. 

When Clarke left "You're not little do listen to her" Lexa said to it before walking into Clarke's bathroom.

\-------------------------------  
When Lexa finally walked downstairs her mom was waiting for her at the door with the Griffins. 

"Oh Lexa you don't need to cry, you know we are only down the road" Abby said. Lexa looked to Clarke who was smiling happily to herself and Lexa just rolled her eyes.

She hugged Abby and Jake goodbye, then she hugged Clarke, which lasted longer then it should "I'm proud of you" Clarke whispered and kissed her on the cheek.

Lexa left after that ready to live her drug free life.

\-----------------------------------

Later that night Clarke was lying in bed, when her phone went off. 

Lexa : crying, Clarke? Really, that's the best you could do? 

Clarke laughed and sent a quick reply 

Princess: well I could have always told then what you where really doing. 

She soon got a reply

Lexa: you wouldn't dare x

Princess: oh but I would 

Lexa: and I would have told them how I really got it. X

Princess: fine, check mate 

Lexa: see? you'll never win x

Princess : okay Lexa whatever you say, and say good night to the little commander for me.

Lexa: SHE IS NOT LITTLE!!!!!  
Ask any of the girls I've screwed. X

Princess: nah, I rather not think about you screwing anyone else

Lexa: what's wrong princess? jealous? ;) x

Princess: never

Let's test that theory shall we? Lexa thought. 

Lexa: goodnight princess x 

Princess: night lex ;) x 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also thank you to likablethief for being a beta for me :)


	13. Jealous much?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy :)

Clarke and Lexa had been texting for the rest of the weekend. It was mainly them teasing each other and flirting.

Then it was Monday and they had to go back to school.

Clarke saw Lexa leaning up against a locker, so she walked up behind her to try and make her jump but stopped when someone pulled Lexa in for a kiss.

Clarke heart dropped.

She waited for the kiss to end but it seemed like it never would, so Clarke put her head down and continued walking. She just hoped Lexa wouldn't see her and call her over. But Clarke knew that her luck had run out when she heard her name being called from the voice she loved so much.

"Clarke" Lexa shouted. 

She watched Clarke slowly turn around a give her a sad smile, while she waited for Lexa to walk toward her but she didn't expect Costia to follow her. 

Costia gave Clarke a small smile and pulled Lexa in for another kiss that lasted way longer then needed to. The couple finally pulled apart when Clarke cleared her throat. Lexa looked over to Clarke and she could tell that the other girl was pissed. 

"I'll see you tonight Lexa" Costia said winking and walked away. 

Lexa swore she could see the steam coming out of Clarke head.

Clarke gritted her teeth and said "Where are you going tonight?" 

Clarke tried her best not to sound like she cared, but it was clear to everyone she did.

"Oh, emm, you know just hanging out" Lexa gave Clarke a small smile. 

She's staying quite calm. For now, Lexa thought.

"What kind of hanging?" Clarke raised an eyebrow to the brunette. 

Stay calm, stay calm, she has been texting you all weekend, not her. Wait, has she been texting Costia as well? 

"You know Clarke, come on, don't make me say it" Lexa said while she cheered inside when she saw Clarke roll her eyes.

"Let's go, we have history" said Clarke, not wanting to talk about Lexa's plan for the night.

Lexa just followed Clarke who seems tense. Don't get jelouse my ass.

Lexa was sitting next to Clarke in class and she started getting bored, so she pulled out her phone to start texting people. 

Clarke looked over to see who Lexa texting and she gritted her teeth when she see the name. 

Costia.

"Couldn't she wait until class is over?" Clarke asked annoyed.

"Not when it's me" Lexa replied with a wink, trying to get a rise out of Clarke. 

"You're so full of yourself" Clarke said leaning back in her chair.

"Someone's gonna be filled with me tonight" Lexa said back while smirking to Clarke.

At that, Clarke gripped her pen so hard that she almost broke it. 

How could Lexa do everything she had done, just to go back to Costia? 

\-----------------------------------------

After school Clarke kept constantly checking her phone to see if Lexa had texted her but of course she hadn't. Clarke sighed. She's probably to busy fucking Costia to even care about you, thought Clarke to herself.

\------------------

It was later that evening when Clarke heard a knock on her front door. She went downstairs and picked up a umbrella as she was home alone and was scared.

When she opened it she saw Lexa trying not to laugh at Clarke.

"Don't, Lexa. I was scared"

And that was all it took for lexa to bursts out laughing.

"I'm sorry...... it's just what's an umbrella gonna do?" Lexa asked with watery eyes from the laughter.

"Are you gonna come in or are you gonna just stand there mocking me?" Clarke asked stepping aside for Lexa to enter.

Lexa came inside and headed straight upstair, to Clarke's bedroom. When she got in her room she sat down on Clarke bed and laid down. 

"What where you watching?" Lexa asked while looking at the TV.

"Oh, me? I wasn't really paying attention" Clarke said. 

She really wanted to ask Lexa what she had been doing, but she didn't want to know the answer, scared that she was going to get hurt.

"Well, what have you been doing?"Lexa asked, watching Clarke sit down next to her.

"Nothing, just catching up on some homework" and thinking about you and what you and that whore was doing. Clarke thought to herself.

Lexa pulled Clarke down so that she lying on top of her. She then hugged her tight, making sure Clarke wasn't unconfortable and didn't try to get up. When Lexa finally let go, Clarke lifted her head, so she was looking up at Lexa. Lexa's phone went off and Clarke looked at it and saw Costia's name pop up, so she rolled off of Lexa, laying next to her, and giving her the oportunity to answer her phone. Lexa looked at her phone but she didn't answer. 

"What's wrong? You're not going to answer her?" Clarke asked.

"Maybe when I'm alone. I'm not sure if it's a picture or not" Lexa said looking at Clarke face watching her facial expressions change.

"Oh..." that all Clarke said as she sighed.

"Yeah" Lexa felt awkward because she didn't know what to say to Clarke. Maybe the games they were playing were going to far. They lay thee in silence for a couple of minutes, until Clarke broke the silence.

"Did you ...... did you two..emm... you know?" Clarke asked looking all over Lexa's face ready to be let down. Because when had Lexa ever turned down sex?

Lexa smirked, which made Clarke heart drop. Of course she did, Clarke thought

Lexa rolled on top of Clarke. Clarke looked into greens eyes and she could feel Lexa playing with her hair. 

"I knew you would get jealous" Lexa said with a smile. 

Clarke looked at her as she couldn't believe that Lexa did this just to prove her point.

"You mean you didn't? with Costia?" Clarke asked feeling hopefull and annoyed.

Lexa laughed "Of course not! Why would I won't her when the person I want is right in front of me?" 

Clarke smiled looking up at Lexa, her annoyance forgotten. And since she had done the same thing, it wasn't like she could get angry at Lexa.

"Okay, maybe I did get a little jealous" Clarke admited. 

"A little jealous? You had to see your face. I thought you were going to hit Costia" They both laughed together but when they stopped they realised how close they were. They are just looking at each other, Lexa still playing with Clarke's hair. 

Lexa leaned in really close to Clarke's lip, almost tasting the other girl's lips, but she waited for Clarke to make the move. After what seemed like an eternity to Lexa, Clarke finally closed the distance, so that their lips are touching. Clarke leaned in a bit more, and the moment Lexa felt Clarke's lips pushing aginst hers, she immediately tried to deepen the kiss, asking Clarke for permission with her tongue and Clarke allowing her access without a moments hesitation. They were making out for a few minutes, and they both could feel their breathing become heavier. Lexa slowly pulled away from Clarke at that, and she could hear Clarke whine, making her smile.

"We have to stop..........I'm gettting a bit to excited" Lexa smiled and Clarke realises what Lexa talking about. Clarke nodded and Lexa then moved off of Clarke.

"So, what are we?" Lexa asked fiddling with her hands, nervous of what Clarke would say. 

"Let's just take things slow" Clarke said, snuggling back up to Lexa's embrace.


	14. Do I trust her?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy :)

Lexa was the first to wake up. She looked down to see a sleeping Clarke hugging her tightly. Smiling, she kissed the top of Clarke's head, but Clake just groaned and huged her even tighter not willing to wake up. This had an effect on Lexa, who looked down at her crotch. Look what you do to me, she thought. Lexa sighed and tried to pull away from Clarke, so she could do something about the strain in her pants. 

"Five more minutes" Clarke mumbled against Lexa neck, which made Lexa smile. It was definitely the cutest thing she'd ever seen.

"I just have to use the bathroom" Lexa said as she tried to make Clarke move a bit.

Clarke huffing clinged to Lexa even more "No you don't. Just lay here with me"

"Clarke, come on. You know what you do to me, so why make me suffer" Lexa replied. 

Clarke lifted her head up and looked down to Lexa crotch and then back up "guess your little Commander is an early bird" 

Clarke smiled as she could see Lexa was getting annoyed with her for calling her dick little.

"How about you let me prove to you that my commanders not little....at all?" Lexa asked, bringing Clarke's face closer to hers.

Clarke leaned forward and kissed Lexa and laughed when she saw Lexa chase her lips when she pulled back.

"Nah, don't think the little one can handle me" Clarke teased.

"Oh trust me. She could handle you" Lexa smirked.

"Well, you better go and take care of it " Clarke smiled and she got off the bed and stretched.

"You're such a tease" Lexa groaned and she also got up from the bed.

"You love it" Clarke smirked. 

Lexa walked up to her, put her hands on the other girl's waist and pulled her until their bodys were touching.

"I know what I'd rather be doing right now" Lexa said as she started kissing Clarke's neck.

"Of course you would, but I have plans with Raven and O today" Clarke said trying to hold back moan.

"We have time" Lexa said in between kisses.

"You're really that quick?"

"How about you find out?"

Clarke gently pushed Lexa back so she was no longer kissing her neck.

Clarke looked up to Lexa green eyes that were full with lust.

"I.....I'm not ....ready .....not yet" Clarke could see that Lexa didn't take the rejection so well. I guess no ones turned down sex with Lexa, Clarke thought.

"But I'm not him Clarke I care about you, why can't you see that?" Lexa asked taking Clarke's hands.

"Sex isn't everything" Clarke felt herself become angery because no one was going to make her do something she wasn't really ready for.

Lexa nodded her head "I will take care of you Clarke" Lexa tried rubbing Clarke's knuckles.

Clarke pulled back her hands "why don't you get IM NOT READY?!" 

"yeah I know your said that bu-" 

"No Lexa, no buts. I'm not one of your whores who you get to fuck when ever you want. Last night I asked if we could take things slow, and this isn't talking it slow" Clarke said heading towards the door, opening it to Lexa.

"So if you can't wait for me, then leave" that was all Clarke sais before she left.

Good way to fuck up, stop thinking with your dick, Lexa thought.

\------------------------------------

Clarke waited for Raven to answer the door but O answered instead "Hey bitch"

"Hey. You do know that's not how you greet people, right?" Clarke said walking past Octavia. 

"No, that's how I greet you" O laughed 

"So what's up Clarke? You sounded upset when you called " Raven pipped up from the couch.

"It's Lexa" Clarke sighed, sitting next to Raven. 

Clarke put her hands over her face. Both girls just rolled their eyes.

"what's wrong now?" O asked

"I told Lexa that I wanted to take things slow and I thought she understood....... but this morning she kept dropping hints that she wanted to have sex and when I told her I wasn't ready. She didn't really take it so well" Clarke lowered her hand and looked at her friends.

"So what are you going to do?" O asked

"I don't know.........I might just avoid her for a couple of days but I don't know if she understand I'm not ready, I mean she'll probably just get bored of me because I'm not having sex with her" Clarke sighed 

"True. This is Lexa we are talking about. She would probably just get it somewhere else, I mean is she really going to stop seeing all of her lady friends for you, when she's getting nothing in return?" Raven said honestly. O gave Raven a look, but Raven just kept going." But this is also you we're talking about and you mean a lot to Lexa. Whatever you want to do is up to you, but do you really trust Lexa?"

"I don't know" 

Did she trust Lexa?

\----------------------------------------

When Clarke got home after spending the day with her friends, she turned back on her phone.

She looked at it and saw that she had 10 missed calls, 6 texts and one voice mail from Lexa.

Lexa: Clarke, I'm so sorry please answer the phone x 

Lexa CLARKE ANSWER YOUR PHONE, WE NEED TO TALK!! X

Lexa: come on Clarke, you've tortured me enough just answer x

Lexa: I'm begging you x

Lexa: Clarke come on I can't lose you 

Lexa: I won't pressure you, if you're not ready I will wait for you x please just call me back.

Clarke then clicked on the voice mail that Lexa had left her.

"Clarke please do not ignore me,I don't know what I was thinking this morning. God, I really fucked up. Just don't give up on me okay? If you wanna wait then we wait. And when you're ready I'll will make it so romantic and special.... if that's what you want of course. But please just let us talk, we can talk about this. I can't lose you not again.......I love you"

The voice mail ended. Clarke had tears in her eyes.

She laid there tossing and turning all night long, wondering what she was going to do about Lexa.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Give me some ideas because I'm running out :(


	15. Second chances

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy:)

Clarke woke up the next morning not looking forward to school, because her first lesson was history, which she had with Lexa.

She had been ignoring all of Lexa's texts and calls. She just wanted some space to think about what she going to do.

\---------------------------

Clarke get to class early which was nothing new, as the students started to walking in.

She watched them until everyone had entered, but Lexa was nowhere to be seen. That wasn't very strange since the girl was always late that lesson.

15 minutes into the lesson there was a knock on the door and Lexa came in, ignoring the teacher who was speaking to her and looked straight at Clarke. As soon as they made eye contact, Clarke looked back down at her paper in front of her.

"Miss Woods, why are you late?" The teacher asked.

"Because I am" Lexa replied coldly.

"That's not a reasonable answer, Woods. You're late every single day to my lessons, I've given you plenty at chances. You will have a week detention" 

"You should be greatfull I even turned up to this shit lesson to begin with" Lexa was looking the teacher up and down.

"How dare you? Two weeks detention!" 

"Good luck getting me to show up" Lexa mumbleed. Luckily for Lexa, the teacher didn't hear her.

Lexa headed to the back of the class, the whole time her eyes staying on Clarke. Clarke kept her eyes glued to her paper, not willing to make eye contact with Lexa again.

After the class ended, Clarke packed her stuff really quickly and practically run out of the classroom. She knew Lexa wanted to talk to her, but she didn't want to have this conversation, and definitely not at school.

Lexa watched Clarke run out of the classroom before she had even moved to stand up.

Lexa left the classroom and saw Clarke walking down the hall. I guess I'll see you later then, Lexa thought to herself.

The next time Clarke saw Lexa was later that day when she saw her smoking outside beside her motorcycle.

Clarke stared at her for a while and when Lexa looked at her, Clarke quickly turned around and started heading the other direction.

Clarke was still walking briskly, trying to get away from Lexa, not to have to talk to her, when she was being pulled behind the school building where no one hanged out.

"Hey, watch it! What do you think your doing?'" Clarke said as she tried to pull away. The person who was pulling her turned her around so they were looking at each other faces. Of course it was Lexa.

"Why are you avoiding me?" Lexa said angrily.

"I'm not" Clarke didn't meet Lexa's eye because she knew the other girl could tell she was lying.

"Really? So, You just happned to miss all my texts and calls?" Lexa said.

"Yes, I've been really busy" Clarke said, still looking anywhere but at Lexa.

"BULLSHIT!" Lexa shouted irritated.

"I need to go" Clarke said starting to walk away.

Lexa pulled her back "Talk to me, Clarke" Lexa whispered.

Clarke looked into Lexa's eyes. She could tell the girl was holding back tears, just like her. 

"I just need some space" Clarke whispered back, she then pulled her arm out of Lexa grasp and walked away. 

Lexa watched Clarke walk away again. I'm never going to let her walk away again. Lexa wipped her eyes and put back on her stone cold face.  
\-----------------------------------

It had been over a week since Clarke asked Lexa for space and Lexa was becoming more and more impatient with each day. She only wanted to sort things out with Clarke. 

Lexa physically had to stop herself from going over to Clarke's house and demanding to speak to her. But she knew she has to wait until Clarke was ready but it was becoming harder and harder every day.

\-----------------------

It was a Friday and Lexa had gym for her last class of the day. A teacher told them that they were going to be mixed with another gym class because their teacher was sick. 

Lexa wasn't paying any attention to the new students walking in until she felt someone sit uncomfortably close to her on the bench. She was ready to ask what their problem was, when she looked up the girl smiling at her. Costia. 

"Hey, you haven't called in over a month. You found someone else to screw?" 

"No" Lexa replied. 

Costia was about to start talking again but the teacher spoke up "Get into pairs. You will be playing volleyball" 

"Guess I'm with you" Costia said putting her hand on Lexa's knee. Lexa immediately tensed at the touch. It's spoused to be Clarke, not you, Lexa thought, pushing Costia's hand off of her. 

"I'll get the ball" Lexa said as she left Costia sitting there.

Lexa came back with the ball a minute later.

They begin hitting the ball back a forth at each other. Lexa finally looked around at all the new students and saw Clarke hitting the ball with Raven. She stared at the blonde. God, she looks hot. Clarke was wearing Black shorts with while lines down the side and a white top that was showing to much cleavage for Lexa's liking, as she could see all the boys doing double takes looking at her breasts. Lexa gritted her teeth. No one looks at her Clarke like that.

She could see that boy was practically undressing Clarke with his eyes and that enough for her to charge over to where he was standing and shoved him with full force to the ground. 

The whole class now was looking at Lexa and the boy who was still on the floor confused, but not wanting to get up, to show he was not challenging Lexa.

"You two go and wait outside my office now!" shouted the teacher.

Lexa looked at Clarke and then left with the boy trailing behind her.

When they are both out of the gym hall Lexa grabbed the boy by his shirt and pinned him against the wall.

"If I ever see you looking at Clarke like that again, I'll kill you" the boy nodded his head about to wet himself "Oh, and tell all your friends the same" 

The boy nodded again and Lexa could see him trembling. She smirked to herself, thanking her bad girl reputation for that, and lowered the boy to the floor. She smothed out his top "Good" and then continued walking to the teacher office like nothing had happened.

The teacher finally came at the end of class. Lexa got of with just a warning because the boy said he had been provoking her.

The teacher let them both go to get changed and Lexa walked back into the changing room. She sighed and she took off her shorts and top, so that she was left in her sport bra and boxers.

"What you did for me was so hot" Lexa turned around to find the voice. She mentally rolled her eyes when she saw it was Costia. "All those boys drawling over me." 

\---------------------------

"Guys I forgot one of my earrings in the changing rooms. You guys go a head. I'll see you later " Clarke said, walking back to the changing rooms.

She opened the changing room door quietly as she heard voices inside. She started to walk in, but stoped when she noticed one of the voices was Costia's.

"What you did for me was so hot"

Clarke held her breath waiting to see who Costia talking to but Costia spoke up again "all those boys drawling over me"

Clarke rolled her eyes at that. How could someone be so narcissistic?

The other voice finally spoke up " I didn't do shit for you" Clarke gasped as she noticed the other voice belonged to Lexa. 

"Come on Lexa, you got jealous. I mean, if I were you, I would be too"

Clarke waited for Lexa's reply.

"Why would I be jelouse of them looking at you? You're nothing to me. Just someone to fuck when I got bored. I actually pity you because you let me take you when ever I want and that is incredibly sad" Clarke waited for what Costia had to say but Lexa spoke again "You mean nothing to me, never speak to me again because you need to find someone who will really care about and I don't.......because I love someone else and you're not going to mess things up for me" Costia stormed out of the changing rooms not noticing Clarke was there listening. 

Clarke waited for Lexa to leave as she need to process everything Lexa had just said.

Maybe Raven was wrong about Lexa.

When Lexa left, Clarke got her earring and headed home.

\-------------------------

It was now Saturday and Clarke finally made the decision to call Lexa. 

The phone ringed 2 times before Lexa picked up.

"Hey Clarke, are you okay what's wrong? Did something happen?" Lexa asked in a worried voice, not having expected Clarke to call after being ignored all week.

Clarke laughed "No Lexa, nothing happened and I'm fine...... I just thought that it was time we talked" 

"Yes, of course" Lexa said happily.

"Okay, so can you come round tonight? " Clarke asked 

"Yes, of course, see you tonight "

"Bye Lex" 

"cya princess"

When Lexa heared Clarke had hung up the phone, she smiled that biggest smile she has ever had.

Don't fuck this up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tell me what you think also keep the ideas coming :)


	16. No pressure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy:)

Lexa parked her motorbike outside the Griffin house, she reajusted her leather jacket that she was wearing, to make sure she was perfect for Clarke and she walked up to the door the only thought going through her head, Don't fuck this up, don't fuck this up.

Lexa let out a shaky breath then she knocked on the door, and waited a few moments until a smiling Clarke opened it and pulled her in for a hug. Clarke pulled away and started walking up the stairs not yet saying a word to Lexa. When they got into Clarke's bedroom, Clarke sat on her bed and padded the space next to her, telling Lexa to sit.

When Lexa sat, she could tell that Clarke was nervous, so she gently took Clarke's hand in hers. Clarke let out a sigh. Lexa waited for her to speak, but seeing the other girls wasn't going to, she decided to start, "I'm so sorry for that morning and I completely understand that you're not ready and that's fine. I can wait for you." Lexa said looking into Clarke eyes. 

Clarke gave her a small smile.

"I just don't want to feel pressured by you." Clarke said, and Lexa gripped her hand a big harder, "and I don't won't you to get bored of me and go off somewhere else to get it"

Lexa wipped a tear running down Clarke's cheek. 

"I'm not Finn and I will never cheat on you. How could I get bored of you you're my bestfriend and the person I love more than anything?" Lexa pulled her closer so she could kiss Clarke's forehead. "We can take things as slow as you want" Lexa added.

Clarke smiled as she places a small kiss on Lexa lips.

"Okay"

They decided to spend the rest of the day together watching Netflix and snuggling.

Clarke was lying on Lexa chest, listening to Lexa's heart as she watching the TV.

"I heard what you said to Costia in the changing room" Clarke said, turning to look Lexa in the eye.

"You did?" 

"Yeah and what you said was mean, you took it to far and I think you should apologize to her" Clarke said while playing with Lexa's hair.

"Why would I apologize? I only told her the truth."

"Yes, you did. But she wasn't the only one who wanted to have sex. You did also and you can't just blame her".

Lexa nodded her head "When I see her next, I'll apologise"

"Good" Clarke snuggled back to Lexa.

\------------------------------------------

Clarke was waiting for Lexa just outside their school building. She had persuaded Lexa to actually come in on time this time because maybe she wouldn't have to do her 2 weeks detention and could spend more time with Clarke. Of course Lexa agreed, if she got her more time to spend with Clarke.

Clarke felt arms wrap around her from behind and kisses on her neck. "We're in public"

"So? Let people know you're my girlfriend" Clarke laughed and turned around to kiss Lexa lips.

"I started to think you where going to be late again"

"I made a promise and I keep my promises" Lexa kissed her again. The kiss soon got heated but Clarke pulled away which make Lexa chase her lip.

Lexa frowned when Clarke pulled away completely.

"Always leave them wanting more" Clarke said as she took Lexa's hand in hers and headed to her locker.

Clarke opened her locker and started to take her stuff out. Lexa watcheed as Finn walked past looking at Clarke and then at Lexa. Lexa put her hands into fists, but soon relaxed when she felt Clarke take her hand once again.

\------------------------------

After class Clarke saw Costia and nudged Lexa to go and talk to her. 

"I'll meet you in the cafeteria" kissed her quickly and walked away. Lexa watched Clarke sway her hips. This girls gonna be the death of me, she thought. 

She walked up to Costia, who is with some of her friends.

"Can we talk?"

Costia nodded her head and they walked to the first open and empty classroom they could find.

"I just wanted to say that what I said to you in the changing room was fucked up and that I'm sorry" 

Costia looked at her trying to see if she really meant it and when she found nothing but honesty she spoke up "Thank you for apologising, and you actually made me realise that I did need to find someone who cared about me and I have" 

"I'm happy for you really" Lexa smiles.

"Me too...., Griffin, that the girl you in love with, didn't see that coming" Costia smiled. 

"Me neither".

\-----------------------

Clarke on her way to the cafeteria when she felt her arm being pulled.

She turned around to see it was Finn.

"Listen, I just won't to talk, okay?" Finn asked.

"I have nothing to say to you"

"Just listen. I know you're with Lexa to get back at me and to make me jealous but you don't have to do that. I take you back"

Clarke laughed "You take me back?"

"Yes"

Clarke laughed again which confused him." I'm with Lexa because I love, her not to make you jealous. I don't care about you. You're just a cheater"

"You're with Lexa?" Finn still looked confused and Clarke rolled her eyes.

"Yes, she's my girlfriend". 

"Come on Clarke, drop the act, she isn't here" 

"It's not an act" 

Finn looked down defeated but then he smirked "She isn't going to wait for you, you know that"

"Shut up" she said, gritting her teeth

"What's wrong? Is it because I'm telling the truth? She's probably still fucking someone behind your back. I mean, she's defiantly not getting it from you" 

"She isn't you, she's nothing like you!"

"She isn't? She fucked nearly every girl on this school and she nothing like me? Tell me Clarke, do you really trust her?"

Finn walked away smirking to himself. She will come back, he thought.

\--------------------------

Clarke walked the rest of the was to the cafeteria, and smiled when she saw Lexa waiting for her. 

"Hey" Lexa said, giving her a chaste kiss on her lips .

"Hey, how did it go with Costia?"

"Good. She forgave me and I think we are still friends" Lexa smiled.

They sat down and ate their lunch.

"Do you wanna come over tonight?" Clarke asked waiting for Lexa answer.

"Of course " Lexa said, kissing her check. 

The school bell rang and students started moving to the last classes of the day.

"I'll see you tonight" Lexa sat up and kissed her lip again, leaving for her lesson.

\------------------------

Lexa headed to Clarke's house at around 6. She knocksed on her door and Clarke immediately pulled her into a kiss.

Lexa pulled back smiling, "Nice to see you too"

Clarke didn't say anything and pulled Lexa upstairs to her room. 

When they got inside Clarke locked the door and got a questioning look form Lexa. Without answering, Clarke pushed Lexa on the bed and straddled her hips. 

Lexa was about to speak but didn't get the chance because Clarke had already reconnected their lips. 

Clarke started grinding down onto Lexa, hard, which made Lexa moan. Hearing that, Clarke started kissing Lexa neck. 

"Clarke" she tried to sound serious but it came out like a moan.

Clarke didn't stop, completely ignoring Lexa. 

"Clarke, your need to stop" this time managing to sound seroius.

Clarke ignored her again.

"Clarke, you're not ready. You said it yourself"

Clarke still didn't answer her or stoped.

Lexa gently pushed Clarke back so she could look into her blue eyes. She frowned when she saw that Clarke had tears in her eyes.

"Hey, what gotten into you? What wrong?" Lexa said pushing the hair out of Clarke's face. 

Clarke didn't answer, so Lexa pulled her into a hug, "Shhh, it okay" 

After a few minutes Lexa pulled Clarke back a bit "Now, tell me what wrong" 

It broke Lexa's heart to see her girlfriend like this.

"I-it's Finn" Clarke chocked out. 

Lexa could fell a wave of anger come over her just by the mention of his name.

"What about Finn? What did he do " Lexa asked gritting her teeth.

Clarke told her what happened and what Finn had said to her.

"Don't listen to him, okay?" 

Clarke nodded her head and Lexa kissed her forehead.

After about an hour of Lexa reassuring Clarke and comforting her, Lexa told her she had to leave because her mother wanted her home.

She kissed Clarke again and left the Griffin house.

Lexa replayed what Clarke had said about Finn and she could feel the anger rising out of her again. No one speaks to Clarke like that, she thought.

When she pulled up, she wasn't outside of her house but outside Finn's.

She turned off her engine and walked to the front door, clenching her fists.

She banged on the door and when it open revelling Finn she grabed him and pulled him out of his house. 

"Hey Lexa, calm down" he tried 

"You stay the fuck away from Clarke!"

" I was only telling her the truth" that was enough for Lexa to punch him in his face, probably breaking him nose in the process.

She waited for Finn to get back up, and when he did, he tried to punch her back but she blocked him and punched him again.

"You ever put those thoughts in her head again and I will fuck up more than that pretty face of yours" she spat on the floor near him, got on her motorcycle and rode off.

She left Finn rolling on the floor like a baby holding his nose.


	17. First times

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy :)

2 months later:

Lexa was at Clarke's house watching movies back to back, since they had nothing better to do during the half term break.

Clarke was snuggling againts Lexa's neck and Lexa was rubbing Clarke's back, soothing her.

Clarke nuzzled harder so that her lips were touching Lexa neck and that made Lexa shiver, feeling Clarke kissing her.

When Clarke straddled Lexa, Lexa let out a shaky breath "Clarke".

"Mhm?" Clarke said as she kept kissing Lexa's neck. 

She then started kissing Lexa's lips, which made Lexa hesitant at first, since she was not sure how far Clarke wanted to go. Lexa tried to pull away so she could look into Clarke ocean blue eyes, but the other girl didn't let her. Clarke finally pulled back to look into Lexa's green eyes.

"Lex........I want this, I want you" Clarke said pushing Lexa's wild hair out of her eyes so she could look Lexa in the eye to let her know that she was telling the truth and that she was ready.

"Are you sure?......... we don't have to Clarke"

"Lexa, I'm ready" Lexa looked at her eyes and waited to see if she could find any hits that she was lying but when she found nothing but honestly, she slowly pushed Clarke so that she was lying on her back.

Lexa could see that Clarke was nervous so she leaned in and kisses her. The kiss wasn't full with lust but just love and Clarke knew it.

While they were kissing, Clarke felt Lexa play with the hem of her t-shirt and looking up at her to ask for permission. When Clarke nodded her head. Lexa removed Clarke t-shirt and looked into Clarke's eyes before looking down at her full breasts. Lexa also pulled off her own top so Clarke wouldn't feel completely exposed. 

She could see Clarke look over her abs, so she gently took one of Clarke's hands and put it on her abs, running both their hands up and down her stomach.

Lexa leaned back in and kissed Clarke again.

Lexa run her hand around Clarke back so she can undo her bra, waiting for Clarke to give her permission every step.

When she got the permission, she undid the bra and slowly pulled it down to reveling Clarke's full breasts. She then gently kissed her way down to them giving both of them the same amount attention.

She could see that Clarke was throwing her head back in moan, so she took a nipple in her mouth. In that moment Clarke let out a loud moan, which aroused Lexa even more. After kissing and sucking on her breasts, and leaving tiny bite mark all over them, she started kissing her way down Clarke's belly, seeing her girlfriend could wait any more. She stoped when her fingers got to the shorts' waistband and looked up again, asking for permission and reminding Clarke that she was in complete control of this situation and at anytime Lexa will stop.

Clarke slowly nodded her head as Lexa pulled down her shorts and underwear at the same time.

Clarke closed her legs, feeling completely exposed to Lexa.

Lexa, wanting her girlfriend not to feel so exposed, got off of the bed and pulled down her pants, but left her underwear on.

Lexa climmed back onto the bed, kissing her way up Clarke's legs. Before she got to the blonde sex, she kissed Clarke on the thight and around her sex, letting her know that she shouldn't be embarrased. Clarke uncrossed her legs, and Lexa gently pushed her legs apart more so she can get better access.

When Clarke legs were opened wide enough, Lexa positioned herself in between them.

She kissed just above the blonde pubic bone and kissed her way down to Clarke's lips, all the while avoiding exactly where Clarke wanted to be kissed.  
Lexa then laid her tongue flat againts the girls entrance and swiped her tongue upwards, making Clarke moan loudly. She repited this move a couple of times, until Clarke was practicaly begging and then without much warning sucked on Clarke's bundle of nerves, just to keep licking and sucking on it.

Lexa felt hands make their way into her wild hair and she smirked because she knew that she was pleasing Clarke.

Clarke's breathing soon became faster and her hips start jerking upwards, basicaly ridding Lexa's face.

Lexa put one arm around Clarke, holding her down, while with the other she reached up and cups one of Clarke's breasts, playing with her nipples. She started the arm that was playing with Clarke's breasts downwards towards her sex, starting to play with her clit, while she used her tongue to slowly enter her. After a while, she changed positions, licking and sucking her clit, while she started to enter her with a finger. After she entered her, she stoped her finger so the girl coul adjust, never stoping licking and sucking at her clit. When Clarke started again to buck up agains her, she started moving the finger in and out, first slowly and then faster. Clarke kept moaning really loudly and moving her hips againts her finger, so she decided to add another finger. After giving Clarke a chance to addjjust to the strech, she started moving her finger in and out. That was enough for Clarke to go into her first organism of the night.

Clarke was still in complete blitz when Lexa comes back up to kiss her on the lips, while she was smiling happily to herself.

"Wow" Clarke said breathlessly.

Lexa smiled and kissed Clarke, making Clarke moan when she tasted herself on Lexa's pillowy lips.

Clarke became more confident and she run her hand down Lexa toned abs and down to her boxers, Clarke tried to push them down but when Lexa got the hint, she stood up and pushed them down herself. Clarke eye widened when she saw Lexa's dick bounce up and hit her in the stomach, and Lexa just smirked at Clarke's reaction.

"If you don't want to any more, it's fine" Lexa said lovingly

"No, I do it's just ........ that you're big and I'm just a bit scared, that's all"

"I would never hurt you, you know that, right?" Lexa asked.

"Of course I know that"

Lexa grabed a condom from her leather jacket and rolled it down her length.

Lexa laid back on top of Clarke and watched her face for a moment. She could tell that Clarke was scared.

"Is it going to hurt?" Clarke asked with a slight bit of panic on her face.

Lexa slowly nodded but then added " it can hurt at first, but then you should enjoy it" Lexa smiled.

"Go slow?"

"Tell me if it gets to much and I'll stop straight away, okay?"

Clarke nodded her head.

Lexa could feel that Clarke was tense under her so she started kissing her, hoping that she would relax and when she did, Lexa lined herself up with Clarke's entrance.

Lexa slowly started to push and she could hear Clarke whimper into the kiss so Lexa pulled away and stoped her movements.

"It just stings"

Lexa waited until Clarke nodded her head for her to continue.

Lexa pushed more but didn't stop until the head of her penis was inside Clarke, letting the girl adjust.

Clarke was really tight and it took all of Lexa's power not to fuck her senselessly.

When Clarke relaxed, Lexa pushed so that she was just over half way in.

"You okay?" Lexa asked as she kissed Clarke check.

Clarke just nodded not finding the words as she trying to get used to the feeling of having Lexa inside of her.

Clarke pulled Lexa down into a kiss, immediately welcoming Lexa's tongue into her mouth. Lexa took this opportunity to push to the rest of her length in until she bottomed out.

"Fuck" Clarke said trying to catch her breath.

"God your so tight"

After giving her time to adjust, Lexa slowly starts to move slowly. She could hear Clarke's moans of pleasure and pain in her ear which was making the hairs on the back of her neck stand up.

"Fuck.........harder Lex"

Lexa moved faster in and out of Clarke and Clarke's moans become louder and louder.

Lexa soon started to feel Clarke tighten around her length. She knew she wasn't going to last long, because she hadn't had sex in months, but she wanted to please Clarke first.

Lexa made her movements even faster and harder until she felt Clarke's walls start to clench around her.

"Fuck, keep going Lexa.......I'm gonna cum"

Lexa kept fucking Clarke at a rapid speed, until her own movement became out of sync.

They both ended up cumming together.

Lexa stayed inside Clarke as they both caught their breath.

When Lexa finally pulled out, there was a whimper from Clarke and some blood on the condom.

Lexa tied it and throwed it on the bin.

She then headed to the bath room to get a wash towel. When she come back into the room Clarke was asleep, so she quietly cleaned Clarke up.

She then put some boxers and her sports bra on. When she got back into bed, Clarke's body gravitated it's way to Lexa and she welcomed it with open arms.

She kissed Clarke's forehead and watched Clarke snuggle more closely to her.

"I love you" Lexa said not expecting an answer from the sleeping blond, but then she heard a muffled "I love you too"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think also give me some ideas because running out :)


	18. Goodbyes

As finals were coming up, Clarke helped Lexa with revision even if their revision mostly ended up with both of them naked. They both looked at colleges that were reasonably close together so they could see each other as much as possible.  
\---------------------

When Clarke got home there was a smiling Jake and Abby standing in the kitchen. Clarke gave them both a questionable look but they nodded their heads to the letter in the middle of the counter.

"Go on sweetheart, open it" Abby said 

Clarke smiled and looked at the letter. It was from Oxford University in England. Her eyes widened. She had applied for a place there before she and Lexa got together but she didn't expect to hear from them. It's probably just them saying I didn't get, in calm down.Clarke thought to herself.

She smiled up at her parents and slowly opened the letter. She read the letter but didn't smile so her mother put a reassuring hand on her shoulder.

"Don't worry there are plenty of other universities out there that would be lucky to have you"

Clarke shaked her head "l-l got in"

Clarke looked up to her mother with tears in her eyes. I got in.

\---------------------------------

Clarke was waiting for Lexa to come round to her house so she could tell her the news. She was nervous to what Lexa was going to say and how she was going to react.

Her heart was pumping in her chests when she heard Lexa pull up on her motorbike.

Clarke let out a shaky breath when she heard the knock on the door. Clarke opened in and Lexa had a big smile on her face.

"Hey beautiful"

Lexa pulled her in for a kiss, but Clarke turned her face do Lexa ended up kissing her check. That made Lexa frown, knowing something had happened.

"What's wrong?" Lexa asked on a concerned voice. 

"We need to talk " that was all Clarke said as she stepped aside to let a worried Lexa inside.

Clarke walked to her living room which Lexa found weird because they always spent their time together in Clarke's bedroom. 

Clarke sat down and Lexa didn't move. She just watching Clarke's every movement.

"Maybe you should sit"

Lexa nodded and sat down next to Clarke. 

"I got into a really good university" Clarke said and Lexa couldn't understand why she wasn't happy.

"That's amazing. Which one?" she said, really happy for Clarke.

"Oxford" Clarke said and she watched Lexa's facial expressions change from happy to sad in a matter of seconds.

"T-that's in England. Yyou didn't apply for that one when I was there" Lexa said looking a bit confused.

"I applied before we were even together" Clarke confessed.

"So....... what are you going to do?"

"I don't know because what will that mean for us?"Clarke said as she wiped a tear that was running down her face.

"Nothing will happen..... we're Clarke and Lexa, we can get through anything" Lexa said with a small smile.

"Long distance never works, Lex"

"Then we will make it work" 

Clarke looked at Lexa eyes and saw nothing but determination so she nodded her head, "okay" 

"I leave the day after graduation" 

"We have plenty of time"

"It's in a week Lex"

"I know "

They were both silent for a couple of minutes processing that Clarke would be thousands of miles away. 

Lexa broke the silence "we should celebrate my girls going to Oxford!" Clarke smiled a sad smile.

\------------------------  
They spent every day and every second of their last week together snuggling and making love.

Tonight was Clarke's last night and Lexa had thrown her a going away party.

Clarke put on a brave face and saw all of her friends that wouldn't be just down the road anymore, if she need a girls night or a talk.

She saw all of her friends, O, Raven, Bellamy, Lincoln, Harper, Jasper and Monty, but the most important person there was of course Lexa who was still smiling with pride and complete adoration at Clarke and that made Clarke heart melt.

They laughed and joked around with Clarke and they all told her how proud they were of her and how much they were going to miss her.

They all also reminded her that she better not forget about them and that she better call up and never be to busy for their calls.

The party slowly came to an end and all of her friend started to leave.

Lexa warped her arms around Clarke waist and kissed her neck, "Come upstairs?"

Clarke eagerly nodded her head.  
\---------------------------------  
When Lexa was about to put on a comdon on her length Clarke hands stoped her. Lexa gave Clarke a questioning look, but Clarke didn't take her hands away.

"I just want to feel you tonight, all of you" Lexa nodded her head and lined her length up with Clarke's opening.

She pushed until she was halfway in and they both let out shaky breaths. This is the first time Lexa had ever gone bare before and she loved it. Even more since it was with Clarke. 

She kissed Clarke's neck and pushed the rest of her way in.

She wait until Clarke adjusted and started slowly with deep thrusts.

Clarke's moans became louder and so did Lexa's.

Lexa felt Clarke walls clench around her but she held back her release to make sure Clarke gots the best out of her.

Lexa went to pull out so she could cum but Clarke pushed her back in by locking her ankles behind Lexa's ass.

"It's okay, you can cum in me"

"Clarke?"

"I'll get the morning after pill, please Lex" Lexa nodded and sped up her thrusts until she came inside of Clarke.

Clarke moaned and came again when she felt Lexa's release inside of her.

They both laid there catching their breaths, and after a time, Lexa rolled off of Clarke and Clarke snuggled into her neck.

"I love you" Lexa said 

"I love you too"

"Forever and always?" 

Clarke nodded "forever and always"

\---------------------------

Lexa woke up to an empty bed, Clarke must be in the bathroom, she thought.

Lexa waited for what felt like forever but when the blonde didn't come back, Lexa sat up and looked at her phone, which has a letter on it.

The letter said Lexa in big handwriting.

Lexa opened it and read what was written.

Dear Lexa  
when you read this I will be on my way to university and preparing to start a new chapter in my life. But to be able to start a new chapter I have to finish one. Sadly you're that chapter. I'm doing this to prevent our heartbreak in the future. I don't want to say to people in 5 or 10 years that our relationship ended over arguing because we didn't have enough time to see eachother. This is for the best and I know that you think it's not but it is. It wouldn't have worked and I want to cause as little pains as possible for the both of us. You've truly made my life amazing. Just know that my love was and is real and that we were real, but it's time to say goodbye.

I love you, Lex.

Forever and always. 

Your love, Clarke xx


	19. Hometown

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter been rewritten and the time jumps a bit longer, it just made more sense but the story's still the same
> 
> Enjoy :)

8 years later

Lexa knew coming home would be hard, even harder with people looking at her with sad eyes for what she had seen and done during her time at war. She had enlisted after highschool because she didn't know what do do with her life and she thought the army would give her a porpose in life, since the love of her life had left her behind. For what she had done while in the army people called her a hero, but she thought of herself as anything but. She hadn't been home since she enlisted eight years ago, telling her mother that even when she had free time, that she didn't have enough, or any other excuse not to have to come home. Her mother knew the real reason for Lexa not coming back, but after the breakup, they made a deal never to speak about the blonde again. 

Her hometown was the place where she had had her heart ripped out of her chest by the blonde that she hadn't spoken to in years, and know she was back, back to be surronded by memories of their love. She knew that after loving Clarke the way she had, she couldn't give her heart to anyone else, since it didn't belong to her anymore, so she had decided to simply not love anymore.

She hadn't spoken to Clarke in a really long time. Not since about a year after the breakup. Lexa had been calling Clarke ever since she woke up alone that morning, but Clarke never picked up or answered the hundreds of messages. Even if Clarke lived in another country, she had mantained her old number, never changing it. That was the thing that Lexa had never understood. Why hadn't she changed her phone number? 

When she called her a year after the breakup in the midst of a panic attack, Clarke finally answered, but hadn't said anything. Lexa could only hear her breathing. Lexa never knew how Clarke knew she was having a panic attack, or if it was just luck that she had answered, but hearing Clarke breath, helped her get over the panic attack. When she could finally breath okay again, Clarke had hanged up the phone. She called every day after that for a week trying to see if Clarke would answer again, but since she didn't, Lexa decided not to call again. 

Even after all those years Lexa couldn't understand why Clarke had kept her number. 

Why keep it if she was never going to answer?

\---------------------------------------

The taxi dropped Lexa off outside of her mother's house. Nothing had changed in all the years she hadn't been home. Seeing everything the same, made Lexa anxious to go to her room, knowing all the time Clarke and her had spent there, and the morning when it all ended.

After reading the letter Lexa had run to the Griffin's house, just to find it empty. She waited outside for a couple of hours, when she saw a car parking in the driveway. Thinking that maybe Clarke was there made her heart just, just to be destroied again when she saw Jake and Abby get out of the car with sad eyes. They had invited her to go inside with them, but she couldn't, so she just left.

She texted her mother saying that she needed some time alone, not to worry her and disappeared for to weeks. Her mother had been really worried, but was happy to see she was okay when she eventually got back. Instead Lexa just told her she had enlisted in the army. Her mother hadn't understood and tried to get her out of it, but she explained that she had to leave the town and since she hadn't nown what to do, the army gave her an opportunity to serve her country. So she acked her bags and left.

That was the last time she had seen her mother.

\-----------------------------------------

Lexa picked up her bags from the taxi and walked to the front door. She was about to knock when the door swinged open and her mother pulled her in for a hug. Her mother hugged her so hard tthat she could bearly breath, but after eight years, and everything the to of them had gone through, she could understand it. And she had just come home from the war, alive and well, at least physically, so she let it slide, until she couldn't breathe anymore.

"Okay mom..... you can let go know " Lexa smiled, patting her mother on the back.

"I just want to make sure your real" her mother pulled back from the hug and touched Lexa face like she was seeing a ghost, and maybe after what Lexa had gone through, maybe she was.

"Of course I am" Lexa smiled

Lexa's mother headed into the kitchen " I made your favourite, since I knew you were coming home" she smiled at Lexa. 

"I can't wait......I'm just going to put my bags in my room and start to unpack them".

Lexa mother told her not to be long since she had a lot of gossip to catch Lexa up on. That make Lexa laugh. Eight years had passed but her mother still just wanted to know all the gossip.

When she got to her rrom, she opened the door carefully, afraid of what was inside. She entered slowly and laid her bags on her bed and lying down next to them. She let out one big sigh. She never thought that she would be back here. She looked around her room and she could see everything was the same, except for the photos. She could tell that her mother had turned around the photos of Clarke and her. She found herself staring at all the photo frames but she didn't turn them around, she couldn't.

She unpacked her stuff but stoped when she saw the letter she knew all to well. The letter that she had read hundreds of times trying to understand, but never did. She didn't open it, not anymore because she knew the words by heart. She put it in her drawer next to her bed. It was the only thing that she had that Clarke had touched.

Lexa came back downstairs and just when her mother was putting the food on the plates. She pulled out her own chair and sat down and waited until her mother was sitting to start eating.

"So, how long are you back?" her mother said in between mouth fulls.

"They want me to stay off for a while, until they can assess my mental status , so I'm not sure. So they want me to talk to someone about the things I've experienced there" 

"You deserve it, you're a hero Lex" 

"I'm not a hero..........not after the things I've done. I just did what was asked for me, but heros aren't the ones who do those stuff, mom"

Lexa's mother took Lexa's hand over the table "You did what you had or what you were ordered to do, even risking your life, and for that you are a hero"

Lexa shaked her head, but kept eating hoping her mother would get the message that the conversation was over.

Lexa mentally thanked her mother when she didn't say anything else and she could finish her meal in peace. After they finished having their meal, they had a movie night where they were trying to watch every film Lexa could've possibly missed for the last eight years.

Their night was interrupted when Lexa phone started ringing. She apologised to her mother and walked out the room so she could answer it.

"Hello?"

"First Sergant Woods"

"Captain Kane"

"I've arranged for you to speak to someone 3 times a week during your time off. You have to attend all of these sessions and if you don't I can't allow you to come back, do you understand?" 

"Yes, Sir" 

"Good, it's at your hometown hospital. Take some time to relax, you deserve it"

"Yes, Sir. Thank you"

Lexa hanged up the phone. She wished people would stop telling her what she deserves.

Later that night she got an email saying when and at what time she had to be at the hospital. Lexa sighed when she saw she had to go he next day. There goes my sleeping in, Lexa thought.

Lexa went to bed quite early since she had traveled far today and was a bit jetlagged. Her mother understood and kissed the top of her head before saying goodnight.

Lexa was lying in her bed thinking of all the memories that she had shared in her room with the blonde whose name Lexa hadn't spoken for years, trying and failing to forget her.

She rolled over to her side and reached for her phone. She hovered over Clarke's name on her phone. Maybe she had changed it in all the years Lexa hadn't called. Should she try and call her? Should she tell the blonde she was home? Did she even know Lexa had enlisted? Would she even care?

She wondered what the blonde's life would be like now. She probably became some rich doctor or an artist, with a big house and husband or wife. 

Bet she's really happy, Lexa thought, Bet she's really happy with out me.

 

\--------------------------------------

 

Lexa walked up to the desk at the hospital and told the person working at the desk that she had an appointment. The receptionist behind the desk gave Lexa a sad smile, knowing what she was there for.

"The doctor is running really late today so if you can just head into the room on your left, they should be there soon" she gave Lexa a sad smile again.

Lexa gave her a forced smile and made her way down to the room she had been told to go to.

She looked around the room and noticed some pretty drawings and paintings on the walls. She smiled when she saw one that has been clearly drawn by a child. Lexa squinted her eyes, trying to read the child's writing. To mummy: Happy birthday, I love you. 

Lexa could just make out the last part. The kid must have been really young since the writting was so hard to read.

Lexa heard the door open and close.

"It's not very professional for you to be late, you know?" 

Lexa turned around and looked at a girl who was there, frozen, watching her.

"Clarke?"


	20. Hometown part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy 
> 
> This chapter has also been rewritten

The day before

Abby was sitting at her desk in the hospital when her office phone started to ring.

"Hello, Dr. Griffin here"

"Hello, Dr. Griffin. I'm Captain Kane, US Army, second Infantry Division in Afghanistan. I have a soldier, First Sergant, who has had what must have been a traumatic experience and I want someone who she could talk to, to evaluate if she could come back to active duty. I heard about the help you have givento a lot of soldiers and I was wondering if you had time to meet and assess the soldier?"

"I actually have referred all my military patients to the new psychologist at the hospital, but I could make an appoinment for you"

"Okay, She is now on leave pending an evaluation, so how long do you think this would take?"

"It depends on the patient, but the meeting are usually three times a week. At least at first. What is the soldier's name?"

"First Sergant Lexa Woods"

Abby gripped the phone harder. That was a name she hadn't heard in some years. She knew Lexa had enlisted, because her mother had told her. She hadn't told Clarke that. In fact, they had an agrement not to talk about the brunette, but maybe now that Lexa was back, she could talk to Clarke about her ex-girlfriend.

"Hello, Dr. Griffin? You still there?"

"Yes, sorry about that. Yes, I think we could this work."

"Are you sure the new psychologist is well prepared for this?"

"Yes. She a new addition, and even thought she is young, she was the best of her class, and focused her master on PTSD and drug addiction and comes highly recomended. I trust her with my other military patients, and I know she would be good for the First Sargent"

"Alright, Thank you, Doctor Griffin"

"You're welcome, Captain Kane"

This better work, Abby thought. It was fianlly time for Clarke to talk to Lexa.

When Abby got home later that night, she went to look for Clarke to tell her about the appointment. She was just going to leave out the soldier's name.

"So I have another patient for you" Abby said watching Clarke while they were all having dinner.

Clarke looked up from her plate of food, "Okay, who is this patient?"

"There's a solider-" Abby started but got cut off.

"Solider, mummy!" Ella cooed.

"Shh sweetie, grandma's trying to speak" Clarke said pushing her daughter wild curly brown hair out of her face.

Ella nodded and sat at the table watching everyone, wanting to know everything

Clarke smiled and kissed her check which made Ella giggle, "What were you saying mom?"

"So there's this solider who needs an evaluation before going back into active duty.....after what she has seen. Her Captain called me and told me she has been through a lot, and I know you can help her."

"Okay, when can we start?" 

"She is already stateside, so you start tomorrow. I already put it on your schedule" 

"Okay" Clarke said, continuing to eat and listening while her daughter explained what had happened that day with the babysitter.

Later that night, Clarke laid in bed with her daughter snuggled up to her chest. Ella said that she was scared of the monster under her bed but Clarke knew she was a cuddler just like-

Clarke looked down at her daughter who was letting out short little breathes. She could hardly see her face with the amounts of the wild brown hair that she had.

Clarke came back home 6 months ago because she had gotten an offer from the hospital her mother worked at. At first she thought her mother had pulled some strings to get her that job, but her mother had explained that it was an offer from the hospital board, so she could help with soldiers with PTSD. She had studied psychology instead of medicine because she had Ella and medicine would have taken to much time, but she ended up loving it. She even specialised in PTSD and drug addiction, after working with veterans in her undergrad and having seen what drugs did to people first hand.

Looking at Ella, Clarke wondered if Lexa still thought about her. She hadn't taked to her in eight years. Well, seven, if you counted her answering that phone call. But she just had to wonder, what would her reaction to Ella be? The little girl who had green eyes and brown curly hair, just like her other mother.

 

\----------------------------

 

Clarke woke up to little hand poking at her check.

"Mummy, we're gonna be late" Ella said while pushing her hair out her eyes.

"Late for what?" Clarke said, having had completely forgotten about what her mother said at dinner last night.

"To meet the soldier!" Ella shouted happily.

Clarke eyes widened, she picked Ella up from sitting on top of her and run into her closet and started to get Ella and herself dressed.

After they were both dressed and done, Clarke called her mother.

Abby picked up, "Hey honey, why are you calling me in the middle of a session?" 

"I overslept, I thought you were going to be home to take care of Ella today, since the day care is closed today."

"I'm sorry sweetheart. They called me in last minute for a surgery. Just take her in, I think Sally's working behind the desk today. She can just sit with her until you're finished. I have to go do another surgery but I'll also call ahead for you and tell Sally your running late."

"Okay, thanks mom"

"Bye, love you both".

"We love you too, bye"

Clarke hanged up the phone and helped Ella tie herself down in her car seat.

Clarke got in and started to drove to the hospital.

 

\-------------------------------

 

Clarke pulled up at the hospital in no time. She went around her car and helped Ella unbuckle her seat.

As they walked in, she saw Sally smiling at her and Ella.

"Sorry I'm late-" 

"Don't apologise, it's fine"

Clarke told Ella to sit in the chair next to Sally and to good. Since she only had a patient, she didn't think it would be a problem.

Sally handed Clarke the clip board with the patient's details on it but Clarke didn't give it a glance, since she was already late and didn't want the soldier to have to wait any longer..

"She's in your office. Also, she's quite easy on the eyes" Sally gave her a wink.

Clarke laughed and walked down to her office.

She slowly opened the door and saw a tall brunette standing, staring at the drawing Ella had made for her on her birthday.

She closed the door as was about to apologise when the women spoke up.

"It's not very professional for you to be late"

Clarke freezed at the sound of the woman's voice that she recognised. 

Should I run? No, no, you have to stay. Ella's out in the waiting room. What if she sees her? What if she figures it out? Wait, when did Lexa become a solider?

As Lexa turned around and Clarke gulped. Her face was as stone cold as ever but as soon as she meet Clarke's eyes they softened for a couple of seconds until they turn back to her normal stone cold.

A laugh from the room made Clarke jump.

"Well, this just got very awkward"

Lexa walked around the chair and took a seat. They were both still, not moving, their eyes on of each other. Clarke took the seat just in front of Lexa so she was sitting there facing her.

God, Clarke looks amazing, her curves have filled up and her breasts, well..... stop Lexa, she broke your heart, remember?.

Lexa suddenly looked anywhere but at Clarke and Clarke noticed this.

She can't even look at me, Clarke thought.

Lexa started tapping and fiddling with the sleeves of her top. Her legs were bouncing up and down. Clarke could see where Ella got it from.

Clarke then realised she the one who had to ask the question, "So......a solider huh?" Very profesional Clarke, she scolded herself

Lexa just nodded her head still not looking at Clarke. Clarke watched Lexa's behaviour and she could tell that the girl was angry. She was unclenching and clenching her fists, now lokking at the floor in front of Clarke. Clarke knew Lexa would never harm her, at least not physically. And she couldn't say she didn't understand her anger.

"Lexa, can you look at me....please?" Clarke said in nothing but a whisper. They both knew that this wasn't a part of their session.

"No" that was all Lexa said.

"Why not?"

"Because I'm scared if I look, you're not going to be there and this will be fake"

"I'm real, I'm here Lex" 

"Don't call me that" Lexa said starting to get annoyed with Clarke. She didn't even bother to speak when Lexa called her and now she wanted to be friends? Ha!

Clarke was taken back with what Lexa said next, "How about we do this, you mark that I'm coming to these stupid sessions and that I'm progressing or whatever so I can go back to active duty. That way we don't have to ever see each other again"

Clarke's heart droped. Not only doesn't she want to look at me, she doesn't wantt to ever see me again.

Lexa stood up and walked towards the door and stoped "Do we have a deal?" 

"I-I ...." that was all Clarke could say because she was still processing what Lexa had just said.

"Good" Lexa opened the door and walked out.

Clarke stood there for few seconds until she realised Ella was where Lexa was now heading.

\-----------------------

After Lexa closed Clarke's door she lets out a breath she didn't even know she was holding and started walking about the corridor but stoped when she felt something run into her legs. As she looked down, she saw it was not a something, but a someone, a little girl with curly brown hair that she was struggling to push out of her face.

Lexa could see that the small girl was on the verge of tears. She bent down so she was looking the young girl in the eye and helped her push her hair out the way. She was met with big green eyes, just liked hers

Lexa looked deeply into the girl eyes but was dragged out of her daydream when the girl claped her little hands and shouted "Mummy!"

Lexa turned around to see who her mother was and when she did, she saw a frozen Clarke for the second time today.


	21. Tell me everything

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's a kinda short cheaper :(
> 
> Enjoy:)

Clarke slowly started to walk towards Lexa and her daughter. Lexa looked back down at the little girl, and picked her up to have a better look at her. The girl giggled and started playing with Lexa's hair, that was hanging from a ponytail.

When Clarke went to get Ella so she would be the one holding her, Lexa turned so Clarke couldn't reach and was in between Clarke and the girl.

"How old is she?" Lexa said gritting her teeth.

"Lexa-" Clarke tried. 

"Seven!" Ella said happily, not knowing the tension between the two adults.

"Lexa please, can we do this somewhere else?" Clarke asked begging Lexa not to lose her temper in her work place or in front of their daughter.

Lexa could feel the anger rising in her. Was this really her daughter? Would Clarke really have than that? 

Lexa ignored Clarke and looked down at the little girl still smiling but trying to understand why her mother was so seroius and worried looking.

"What's your name?" Lexa asked holding back tears and giving her a small smile, pushing some of the little girl's hair out of her face again.

"Ella" smiling so big that her checks must be hurting.

Lexa heart melted just looking at her daughter.

"Why didn't you tell me?!" Lexa said as she looked back at Clarke, trying to control her voice, but failing.

"Lexa, you're scaring her, let me take her" Clarke asked watching her daughter's eyes fill with tears, and knowing this was confusing for them both.

Lexa looked back at the girl she just learned was her daughter and saw tears in her eyes, so she gently passed her back over to Clarke. Clarke pulled Ella in for a hug and kissed her head, while rubbing small cycles on her back, soothing her. The little girl could feel her mother was upset, which made her tear up even more, and started crying, not understanding why her mother was upset.

"You need to leave, people are looking...please" Clarke watched as Lexa quickly wiped away her tears. 

That made Clarke even sadder, having never before seen Lexa cry.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Lexa asked gently with a defeated look, before she gave her daughter one last look and walked out the door.

Clarke let out a breath and felt tears run down her face.

What had she done.

\--------------------------------------

Lexa drived home and slammed the door, making her mother jump.

"Lexa, what's wrong?" her mother asked her

Lexa hugged her mother really tightly. 

"Lex, what happened?......please, talk to me" her mother said. She pulled back and saw her daughter eyes were full of tears, red and swollen.

"I-its Clarke.....w-we have a daughter." Lexa said in between sobs.

"Lexa, what do you mean we?"

"I-I got her pregnant and I-I didn't know, she didn't tell me" 

"Ohh Lexa". Her mother pulled her in for another hug.

"What do I do mum? I'm not sure she'll let me see her"

"It's Clarke, of course she going to let you see her"

"Is she? Because an hour ago I had no idea that Ella even existed"

"Lexa, I'm sure she will let you see her. Tell me everything that happened"

Lexa nodded her head. She needed to know why in the hell had Clarke kept her daughter a secret, and had not let her be a part of her life for seven years. But she knew that now there was no way in hell she was not going to be a part of Ella's life.

\-------------------------

When Clarke finally got home, she told Ella they would go and play with her toys. Ella run along to her room to get her Elsa dolls and some soldiers her grandma had bought her when they had gotten back from England, and came back downstairs to play in the livingroom with her mother. She didn't understand why her mother was upset, but she tried everything to cheer her up. 

They ate lunch and after that Clarke put Ella to sleep and returned to the livingroom, where she lied down on the sofa, finally being able to process what had happened. Clarke waited for her mother to come home, trying and failing to keep it together. When Abby finally came home a couple of hours later, she found her daughter lying on the sofa, with red, puffy eyes.

"Hey sweatheart, how was your day?" asked, knowing by her face that the meeting with Lexa hadn't gone to well.

"Well, let me tell you. I just had the worst, and I mean the worst moment of my entire life..... and here's the best part. You knew who I was going to be seeing today"

"Clarke-" Clarke cut her off. 

"She knows about Ella and she is really angry with me. Which I understand, but I've never see so much hate in her eyes" I don't even blame her for hating me, Clarke thought.

"Ella needs her. She's missed out so much of Ella's life"

"You don't think I know that?"

They where both interrupted by a loud banging on the door.

Clarke was walking towards it, but stoped when she heard someone shouting outside.

"Clarke!! Open the god dam door. We need to talk!"

Clarke looked back at her mother. 

"Open sweetheart, she's not going to go away. You both need this, not matter how ugly it's gonna get".

Clarke lets out a breath and opened the door. Lexa walked in straight away, not waiting to be invited in. She hadn't been at that house for eight years now, even before leaving for the army, because she could deal with all the memories. But the couldn't think about that, when she was so angry at Clarke.

"Tell me everything, from the beginning" Lexa said gritting her teeth.


	22. Priorities

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke and Lexa have a bit of a talk 
> 
> Enjoy

Start from the beginning? Clarke's heart was pounding in her chest. Lucky for her Abby came to her rescue.

"Maybe you should calm down a bit Lexa"

"Calm down?!"

"Yes, Ella's upstairs and you already scared her once today. You don't want ot make the wrong impression, do you?" Abby asked.

"It really wasn't my fault that I freaked out. I think everyone would after finding out they have A SEVEN YEAR OLD KID!" she took a deep breath trying to calm down because she wanted to know why had Clarke had kept her away from her daughther. So after a couple of deep breaths, she just said, "Fine" 

Lexa walked into the living room, still waiting for Clarke to explain herself. She watched Clarke join her in the living room, still silent. She noticed that her eyes were red and puffy, probably from crying, but right then she didn't care much, after finding out Clarke had kept her daughter from her. The silence was broken by Abby, "I will be upstairs with Ella" she said, giving Clarke a resurging smile.

They both sat there in silence for what feel like forever to Lexa, but she waited for Clarke to speak, who hadn't spoken since she barged into the girl's house. Lexa was starting to get impatient with Carke not talking, and Clarke could see than, but she didn't know how to explain what had happened. 

What could she say when she knew she had been wrong?

"I can't tell you everything. Atleast not yet," Clarke said fianlyy speaking and hoping Lexa would push her for all the answers then. She watched Lexa clench her fists and lock her jaw, trying not to scream at her, so she took the opportunity to continue, "but I can tell you some things"

"Why cant you tell me?" asked the other girl with a sad voice.

"I will, but not right now. Please trust me Lex"

"TRUST YOU?! I'm not that stupid anymore"

Clarke nodded her head, not reaction to Lexa screaming because she knew she deserved it. 

"Just tell me why you didn't tell me Clarke. I would have been there for you both, you know that, but you still kept this from me. Y-you kept my daughter from me, why would you do that?! Did you think I would have not come back if I knew you were pregnant? I would have done anything to be in my daughter life. SEVEN FUCKING YEARS CLARKE!!" Lexa stood up and began pacing the room, she still clenching her fists, looking at the ceiling, hoping that it would keep her tears at bay, "Was I really that bad that you couldn't tell me?"

"No Lexa, you were great"

"So I think I deserve to know why you didn't tell me. Why I lost seven years of my daughters life that I can't get back. Why I lost her first everythings," Lexa got on her knees in front of Clarke, "I'm begging you Clarke, please just tell me why"

"I can't tell you. If I do....... i don't know what he will do" Clarke said wiping away the tears that were coming down her face.

"Who's he?" Lexa said searching for something in Clarke's eyes.

"Lexa......I-I" Clarke couldn't speak, she opened and closed her mouth but no sounds came out. She tried again and again, but she couldn't. 

Lexa took Clarke's hands in hers and rubbed small circles on the back of her hand try to get her to clam down a bit.

Who was the man that scared Clarke so much? Lexa could see that Clarke was scared of him, that she was nearly having a panic attack, just at mentioning him.

"Hey.....hey Clarke, calm down" Lexa kissed Clarke's forehead without thinking, like she would have done eight years ago, if Clarke was upset. But Clarke pushed her back, which confused Lexa even more.

"I don't deserve that..... don't do that....if he... you need to leave...Lexa, please leave" Clarke said, now in full panic.

"i'm not leaving, not with you like this, and not without finding out what the hell is going on here"

She had never seen Clarke like this before. She could tell the blonde was scared for her life. Lexa wished she hadn't pushed Clarke so hard to tell her something she clearly didn't want to. She should have just listened to what Clarke was going to tell her. But she knew she had to ask. She had to know why the hell she was kept apart from her daughter. She just wished Clarke hadn't reacted like that, but that made her want to know what had happened even more. She could see that she wasn't going to get anything out of Clarke at that moement, so she decided not to push her for a bit, and wait for her to calm down, enough to tell her everything.

So Lexa slowly walked back over to where Clarke was she sitting on the couch, taking deep breaths. She sat down next to Clarke gently so she didn't scare her. She would do everything possible to calm Clarke, so the girl could finally tell her what was going on. When Clarke looked like she began to have complete control over her breathing, Lexa wrapped her arms around the blonde, feeling the blonde tense up immediately. She waited for her to relax into her touch but when she didn't, Lexa frowned. Was she scared of Lexa?

"Clarke, it's me. You're safe" Lexa tried, to see if the blonde would relax.

Clarke turned to look at Lexa who still had her arms wrapped tightly around her, letting her know that she was safe and that no one is going to hurt her. She knew that even if Lexa was understandably angry at her, she would always there for her and their daughter.  
Clarke pushed Lexa's arm away so she could stand up. she felt like she was suffocating.

Lexa just watched Clarke while Clarke just walked up and down the living room thinking of what to say. In the end, she just turned around, looking at Lexa with pleading eyes and said, "Please just leave. We can arrange a time for you to see Ella. I'm not going to keep her away from you anymore, but you have to leave now" 

"Can I see her now?" Lexa asked gently not to scare Clarke again, only wanting to see her daughter.

Clarke nodded her head and opened the living room door so they could both make their way upstairs to their daughter's bedroom. On the way up the stairs Lexa could see all the baby photos of Ella, in between pictures of a baby Clarke. She stoped in front of one that was of Clarke holding Ella just after she has given birth to her. Lexa heart dropped seeing this photo. I should have been there, I should have been in the photo, she thought to herself.

Clarke turned around to see why lexa had stopped and she could see that lexa was wiping her eyes looking at a photo of newborn Ella.

"I was in labour for 12 hours. Apparently she didn't want to come out even though she was really little" Clarke said with a sad smile. 

Lexa just nodded her head again, not really knowing what to say to the blonde and they continued her way up the stairs.

Clarke stoped in front of the door that had their daughter's name on in with rainbow color stickers all around it. That made lexa smile. Their daughter definitely had good taste.

Clarke turned the door handle and slowly pushed it open. When she opened it they both saw Abby sitting in a tiny chair near their daughter's bed reading a book that Ella had clearly fallen asleep listening to. Abby looked up at her daughter and then to Lexa. She could see that both of them had been crying, so she gave them both sad smiles and left the room so they can have some alone time with their daughter.

After Abby left the room, Lexa looked at her daughter that was letting out short little breathes. She walked towards her and kneeled down next to her so she could be as close as possible without waking her up.She gently pushed her daughters wild hair out of her face that she clearly got from her. Lexa then started to stroke her daughter's head, and smiled when she saw a small smiles forming her daughters lips. Her heart melted when Ella tried to pull her closer so she could snuggle up to her, making her let out of light chuckle. She was brought out of her daydream that was her daughter when clarke spoke.

"She gets that from you. She has always been a cuddler just like you. As you can see, she takes after you a lot" Clarke said in nothing more then a whisper.

Lexa still didn't say anything to Clarke because she couldn't find the words and she didn't know what to say to her. She just leaned forward to kiss her daughter on her forehead, whispering an 'I love you' in her ear. She stood up and walked towards the door but stoped and turn back around to look at her daughter room. The room was covered in pink camouflage, with it being on her walls and her bed sheets. She also had her Frozen dolls and dresses hanging up in the corner. Lexa looked at her daughter and smiled, leaving the room quietly with clarke trailing behind her.

When she walked back down the stairs, she looked at all the photos of Clarke and her daughter again, but she didn't say anything, because right then she couldn't handle anymore. She opened the front door and was about to leave when clarke spoke up.

"I'll call you or text to tell you when it's best to see her. I just have to explain to her what's going on. And I promise I will tell you what is going on, but I need some time."

Lexa just nodded her head and made her way down Clarke's yard to her motorbike. Just before she was about to get on the bike, she was stoped by someone grabbing her, and when she turned around, she saw Clarke with tears on her eyes again. 

"I'm sorry for having kept Ella a secret, and even though I had my reasons, I know you are understandably angry. I can't say I get it, because I don't know how I would feel on your shoes. Just know that I'm going to do everything possible for you to have a relationship with your daughter, and I just want you to know that I'm really sorry."

On her way home she thinks about everything that had happened that day, from seeing Clarke and learning she had a daughter, to Clarke's breakdown and how peaceful Ella looked asleep.

She was still extreamly angry at Clarke, because even if she was in trouble, she could have helped her, but at that moment she just thought, I guess I'm not the only one who's been through stuff.


	23. Time together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lex and Ella spend some time together

It was the next day when Lexa saw Clarke name on her caller ID.

"Hello?"

"Hey Lexa, it's me...so after school me and Ella go to the park to get some ice cream and today there's a fair going on in the park, so I was wondering if you wanted to come pick her up from school with me"

"Yes, that would be great. What time does she finishes school?" Lexa asked happy that she would get to see her daughter, but still wondering if Clarke would tell her what had happened.

"Around 3 this afternoon, can you make it? I know it's last minute bu-"

Lexa cut her off, "I'll be there"

"Okay, I'll see you then, bye"

"Bye".

Lexa looked at her phone for a while. She still can't believe that she would be spending time with her daughter today. My daughter, she said to herself. That still sounded strange to her. 

She looked at the time and saw that it was noon and she still had plenty of time to get ready, so she decided to go for a quick run.

During her run all she could think were ways she could screw everything up. What if I mess everything up? What if she hates me? She needed to get those thoughts out of her head, which was proving to be dificult, so she pushed harder, until she could bearly breath, or think. When Lexa got home from her run, it was already 2 p.m. since she had Lexa ran longer then she thought, so she got in the shower quickly, trying to get ready on time. She didn't know what to wear, but she decided on just going casual with black skinny jeans, a white top and her leather jacket, hoping that her jacket wouldn't be to intimidating.

She knew that riding to a school on her motorbike wasn't the best idea but she didn't want to be late. In the end she ended up being there 15 minutes early not really sure what to do with herself, since she didn't want to look like a creep hanging out at an elementary school, but luckily for her the other parents start arriving to pick up their kids, and no one batted an eye at seeing her.

Lexa saw Clarke walking down the road, and she imagined they walked to school sincethey didn't live far from Ella's school. Clarke walked up to Lexa and can saw that she nervous, but Lexa didn't spare Clarke a glance, which Clarke completely understood.

"I explained to her that you are her other mother and I think she understands"

Lexa nodded her head towards Clarke letting her know that she listening even if she wasn't looking at her.

"She already loves you, knowing that your a solider and that your a her-" Clarke got cut off immediately.

"I'm not a hero" Lexa finally said looking at Clarke, "And I don't want her to love me just because of my job, I want her to love me because of me" and then in a whisper added, "Just like I thought you did. Which I was apparently wrong about..."

Clarke heard what she had said and wanted to correct her, telling her that she had really loved her, but they were both pulled out of their thoughts when they saw the children being let out by the teachers and them creaming with joy when they saw their parents.

Clarke smiled when she saw Ella running towards them with a big smile on her face.

She stood just in front of Lexa,"So, you're my other mummy?"

"Yes" Lexa barely choked out.

Ella stares at Lexa for a moment and Lexa had never been more intimidated in her life.

"Well, let's get some ice cream...come on mum and mummy" Ella said taking them both by the hand a dragging them towards the park.

Once at the park Clarke sat down on a bench while she watched Lexa and Ella walk hand in hand to the ice cream van, wanting to give them time to get to know each other.

On the way to the ice cream van Lexa listened closely to every word Ella was saying trying to listen to every detail of the girl life but Ella, like every exited kis, talked really fast and it was hard for Lexa to always understand her. She learned that she liked soccer, that she played for a team at her school and that she also enjoys drawing, which she clearly got from Clarke, and she also was obsessed with Frozen, which made Lexa chuckle when the girl explained why she wanted Lexa to get her a real life Olaf. But Lexa would do that if she could, just to she her little girl happy.

Once they reached the ice cream van Lexa asked Ella what she wanted, and being Clarke and her daughter, they ended up detting 3 Cookie Dough ice creams for the three of them. She reliesed she couldn't hold Ella hand since she carrying Clarke's ice cream. Ella gave her a sad smile and asked her if she could carry her on her shoulders. Lexa quickly agreed and kneeled down really fast, which make Ella giggle and laugh. On their way back, Ella was pointing out things that she could now see from Lexa's shoulders.

Once they got back to the bench, she handed Clarke her ice cream and lowered Ella. She saw Ella got some icecream on herself, but it looked like Ella didn't care and continued eating it like she had never had ice cream before. 

They all walked around the fair together with Ella in between holding their hands. Lexa won Ella a giant Olaf which was nearly as big as the girl. She could see her daughter was having problems carrying the giant Olaf, but when Lexa told her she could carry it for her, Ella said she was a big girl and that she could do it. Both parents were struggling not to laugh at Ella's determined face, but it was too cute and they both ended up with big smiles.

After a half an hou walking around the fair, Lexa could see her daughter's arms were starting to ache "Ella, why don't you hold Olaf right arm I'll hold his left?"

Ella thought about it, but since she would still be holding Olaf and that she wouldn't given it up, she accepted her mother's offer, smiling as Lexa took Olaf left hand.

After the fair ended they walked back past Ella's school but Lexa walked Ella and Clarke all the way home because it had started to get dark and she wanted to spend as much time as possible with Ella. 

When they reached the front door of Clarke's house, Ella pulled on Lexa's coat so Lexa would bend downa bit to be at eyesight. When she benwe down little arms were thrown around her neck, and she hugged Ella tightly. 

Ella kissed her check, "bye mommy, I had a really great time with you. And thank you for Olaf"

It was still weird to be referred to as a mother but Lexa could feel her heart warm, " I also had a great time with you kiddo, and you're welcome" she pulled Ella back into a quick hug and watched Ella walk behind Clarke to get inside, while Clarke held the door open for her.

Lexa had completely forgotten Clarke was standing there watching her and Ella's little moment. Lexa awkwardly cleared her throat not knowing what to say, and was about to leave when she heard Clarke speak. 

"Can I come round your house tonight?" 

The question made Lexa give Clarke questioning look. 

"You deserve to know everything. That's the least I could do"

Lexa nodded her head, "okay" Lexa said trying to be calm and not get angry all over. 

She had so many questions to ask Clarke later, but this time she was going to let Clarke speak first, trying not to spook her. 

Lexa walk back to the school to where her bike was parked and rode home. When she got home she told her mother how great Ella was, what her interest were and how thay has spent the day together. She also told her mother that Clarke was going to come over soon to tell her why she had kept her daughter a secret from her. Her mother decided to leave the house and went over to a friend's house, wanting to give Lexa and Clarke privacy.

Lexa waiting nervously for Clarke to arrive since she never said what time she was going to come around.

Lexa heard a knock on the door and looked at her watch, it was 8:00 pm. She opened the door for Clarke, Clarke walked in and sat down on the coach next to where Lexa had been sitting but Lexa didn't sit down next to her, so she sat across from Clarke. 

Lexa could see that Clarke was nervous but she didn't really care because tonight she was going to get the answers she deserved. Seeing as Clarke was to nervous to begin, she decided to start with what she thought was an easy question.

"Why did you leave me with nothing but a god damm note?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not sure when the next update will be, as I might change it to weekly update and not ever day.


	24. Tell all

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke tell Lexa everthing

"Why did you leave me with nothing but a god damm note?”

"When I woke, it was like I had finally woken up from this dream that was you, I know that makes no sense but Lexa do you you really think it would have worked?"

“Yes, but you didn't even try Clarke. You made the decision without me. Look at your parents, Jake travels the world for his job and is hardly ever home, but they make it work.”

"I know, but you would have chosen to do the long distance relationship and it wouldn't have been fair on either of us. And as for my parents they may seem really happy, but you’re not there when my mum cries at night because she misses him. Lexa, how was it meant to work? I was thousands of miles away, w-we wouldn't have seen each other for long periods of time, it would have destroyed us"

"And this hasn't?!" Lexa raised her voice.

"I'm sorry" Clarke whispered. Since she found out about her daughter, Lexa just couldn't feel sorry for Clarke.

"You said you where going to take the morning after pill, what happened to that?"

"Moving to England and college was hectic, I was going to buy it here but I overslept and at the airport it took ages for me to even get on the plane. When I finally landed in England I was so tired…I-I just forgot about it. When classes started, I threw myself into them to forget about you. After a month past I started feeling sick in the mornings. At first I thought nothing about it, since it was flu season and everyone was sick, but mine didn’t go away. When my period was late I waited before taking a pregnancy test, because it would make it real, but I kind of knew since I never had been so late. I took the pregnancy test and when it came up positive I cried. I felt guilty for getting pregnant. It was all my fault. That’s why I didn't tell anyone, not even my mother for a really long time, I couldn't. I didn't know how you would take it, not after I called you"

"You never called me Clarke, you never answered me"

"I did, I needed to hear your voice, I needed to see how you where. I was about seven months pregnant with Ella, and I was obviously showing, but still trying hide it. I still hadn’t told my mom, because I wanted to tell you first. Even if you would be angry at my for the way things ended, and for getting pregnant. I knew that it was a long shot that you answering, it being close to Christmas. When you answered, it sounded as if you had been drinking, maybe celebrating something. You told me that you hated me and that you never wanted to see me again, which I understood and I still understand. When I tried to speak you got really angry, you said that nothing I have to say will make me forgive and that you didn't care."

"I-I don't remember you calling, I remember going out with some other soldiers who didn't go home for their holidays, that's it"

"I know, I doesn't matter, I should have tried harder to call you but what you said hurt, which wasn’t your fault because I deserved it. I guess I just needed time to get over the hurt and grow up and tell you, but that's when everything changed...It was probably a week after I called you and I was still pissed off at myself more than anything. I was carrying all of my books and I tripped and would have fallen over on my stomach if someone hadn't hold me up...When I looked up to see who it was, I saw it was someone from my biology class, Jason" 

Clarke saw Lexa clench her fists so hard her knuckles were white. She knew why Lexa must have been angry, but she didn't give her anytime to say anything and kept talking.

“I thanked him for helping me and for stoping me falling. As I was walking away from him, he said if I needed anything that he would be there for me. He was really nice at first, and he help me with everything, so we quickly became good friends. I still hadn’t told my parents about the pregnancy, because I didn’t want them to tell you, so I kind of was alone, except for Jason. Not many people want to be friends with the pregnant girl. When I was in my last month of pregnancy, I told my parents, which they were not happy about. I made them promise not to tell you because even if i was still a bit hurt, it was your right to know, and I still wanted to tell you” Clarke took a deep breath and she continued telling Lexa what had happened, “When I gave birth to Ella, he would help me catch up on classes that I missed, and was really helpful. My parents came to England for the birth, and stayed for a month to help, but they had to go back to work. They tried to convince me to come back, but I wanted to prove to everyone that I could do it. And with Jason’s help I thought I could,” Clarke looked down at the floor, trying to gather her thoughts, before continuing, “When Ella was about two months old, things took a change. Every time I would talk about how much I missed you and that I should just come back and be a family with you and Ella, he filled my head with bullshit about you. That was all of it was a first. I just thought he was jealous that I was still in love with you and just saw him as nothing more than a friend and a study buddy"

"Is that all he was? A study buddy?” Lexa said gritting her teeth.

"Yes, I never would go there, not like that, not when I was still in love with you”

Lexa nodded her head and waited for Clarke to continue.

"He started becoming more possessive. I thought he was just protective of Ella. I could rarely use my phone and when I did I was only allowed to speak to my parents. That’s why I couldn't answer your calls. When he saw all the calls you kept making, he started to tell me that even if I told you, you would hate me for being so stupid to get pregnant. He told me that you were just with me to pass the time and not really because you loved me. I didn’t want to, but when someone you trusted starts telling you this things, you start to believe them. That night when I answered you call, I was finally going to tell you, but I couldn't find the words, Lexa. I knew what I did would break you and I know keeping this from you has been really bad, but you were panicking and I froze"

"What else did he do?" 

"He saw me as his possession. He didn't live with me and Ella but he was around a lot. Ella just thought he was my friend, even if she didn’t really like him. But she was always safe, I wouldn't really let him near her. When he would come around, Ella was either asleep or playing in her bedroom. I still went to classes every day, got my degree, started my master, and tried to keep a normal live, but his words where always with me, and he was happy to remind me every time he saw me”

"This went on for years?! Did your parents know?"

“No. They would have done something, but thing like that, when someone just makes you feel worthless, aren’t so easy to see. I mean, I’m a trained psychologist, with a master and everything, but I just could get out from under his shadow. My parents found out about it really recently”

"How did you get away?"

"One night last year, he lost it in front of Ella and scared her. That why she didn’t like it when you raised your voice in front of her, because it reminds her of him and she never liked him. Hearing him scream at me, Ella just, I don’t know, she just went up to him and tried to make him stop. He grabbed her by the arm, and she screamed in pain. I thought he had broken her arm or something. Even if he was abusive with me, he had never done or said anything bad to Ella, but when I hear her scream I just snapped. I tried to get her away from him, but he hit me. It was the first time he actually had laid a hand on me, but he didn’t stop. I guess one of the neighbors called the police. Ella’s arm wasn’t broken, thank god, but I had broken ribs, bruises all over, a black eye and a broken arm. I called my parents and I told them everything when they came. They stayed for a while helping around the house, since I couldn’t do much with just one arm. I had patients there that depended on me, so even after my mom tried to convince me to come back I couldn’t just up and leave. Jason was in prison and he wasn’t going to hurt me again, so I decided to stay until I could refer my patients to other psychologists. When my mom told me the board of the hospital had asked for me with helping the veterans, I knew it was my chance to come back”

Clarke watched Lexa trying to process everything she’d just heard. She watched her as she shook in anger.

"I'm going to kill him for what he did.” Lexa said with a low voice, like she was actually planning how to do it, and by her face, Clarke could see that she was probably doing just that.

"He's in jail for what he did" Clarke said.

"He deserves to die for what he did" Lexa replied. 

“Ella needs you, Lexa. Killing him won't do anything but put you in jail"   
Lexa laughed at that which confused Clarke.

"I've killed hundreds, Clarke. Innocents, I wouldn't mind ripping the life from him"

"That was different. You had no choice, you had to follow orders and keep everyone safe. But now you do, so choose the right thing for Ella" 

They were both in tears and emotionally exhausted, so they sat in silence for a while, digesting what had been said, the only sounds of sniffling and light cries from both girls.

Clarke was the one to break the silence "I destroyed our forever and always"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed it :)


	25. No right

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy:)

Clarke left Lexa house soon after they talked. Lexa knew she wasn't going to forgive Clarke even if she was worried for the psychological abuse she had suffered all those years. She was going to still be angry at Clarke because all that could have been avoided if she had told her when she found out. But being angry didn’t mean she didn’t feel sorry for what Clarke had gone through.

Lexa was tired after the draining conversation she had had with Clarke and went to bed thinking of her little girl and Clarke. Did Clarke destroy their forever? But that night Lexa also thought of Jason and she was hoping that he would get the right punishment but if he was still breathing that wasn't good enough for her, she wanted him to suffer and to pay for what he did.

She knew if he ever got out of jail, that she would hunt him down and kill him.

——————————————

Lexa woke up early the next day to go on her run. She was listening to music when she got a text.

Unknown- hey, this is Lincoln, the old gang getting back together and it would be wonderful if you could come

Lexa didn't know if she should, she doesn't won't them to give her sad eyes but she has missed her old friends and thinks that it is time to catch up with each other.

Lexa- yeah, when and where?

Lexa gets a text back in seconds.

Lincoln- tonight at 8. Is that okay? At my apartment (the same one)

Lexa- yeah, I'll see you tonight.

—————————————

It was an hour before the party and Lexa was nervous. These were people she hadn't see in 8 years. What if they were different? What if she missed out on to much and she couldn't get their friendship back? When Clarke left her they, saw her fall apart and she had pushed them away from her and just left with out saying goodbye or anything. She just hoped they would understand she needed time away to get over Clarke even though she never had.

Lexa turned up 15 minutes late since she didn't want to be the first to get there.

When she knocked on the door Octavia opened it and screamed "guess who back bitches!" Great, Lexa though, exactly what she didn't want, attention.

Everyone turned over to look to why O was screaming. They all gave Lexa smiles but not the sad smiles she had expected, they looked happy to see her.

She walked in and everyone continued with their conversations. She noticed some new faces, but then she noticed Clarke. They made eye contact, but she didn't know where to look so she walked in the other direction to grab a beer and sit on the couch with Bellamy.

"This is Niylah, she works with me” said Bellamy introducing her to the blonde sitting next to him.

Lexa smiled at Niylah and after they said their hellos, they continued with the conversation.

When every came around the couch, everyone had had a few drinks, but no one was drunk yet.

“So, how do the ladies treat a solider Lexa? I bet you slept with loads" Bellamy slurred while laughing.

Lexa laughed a bit uncomfortably, but when she looked slightly up she could see Clarke gripping her beer bottle hard, which made Lexa smile. Everyone around the room were agreeing with Bellamy and waiting for Lexa to answer.

“Yeah, they definitely...want to make you feel welcomed" Lexa said rubbing the back of her neck, eyeing Clarke from the corner of her eye trying to see her reaction.

She saw Clarke's face fall but she was loving every minute of it. She couldn’t get even with Clarke after what had happened, but at least she could make her jealous.

"I would definitely make you feel welcomed" Niylah said with a wink, and Lexa just smiled at her.

Even if she wanted to make Clarke suffer a bit for all the pain she had caused her, she didn’t want to make out with Niylah in front of everyone. And not just because of Clarke. She hadn’t seen her friends for a really long time and this was her chance to reconnect with them, so she just moved a bit away from the other girl and continued the conversation.

They spent hours catching up with each other’s lives. Lexa didn’t want to talk about her time in the army, but she told them a few anecdotes about training camp. Bellamy told her about his job as a High School History teacher, and all the stuff his students did that got on his nerves. Raven told her about the new project she was working for in one of the best engineering companies of the country. Octavia and Lincoln told her about their work in the police, with a funny story about an old woman calling 911 panicking saying that George was missing, that ended up being her cat that was trapped in a tree. Raven was talking about some pet project she had, but she wasn’t exactly listening. She noticed that Clarke hadn’t added anything to the conversation, so she thought that maybe her friends already knew what had happened with Clarke in England. It made her angry all over again, that apparently Clarke had told her friends about everything before her.

Not wanting to make a scene, she said she needed another drink and headed to the kitchen. When she got to the kitchen she knew someone had followed her there, and when she turned around she saw Clarke.

“I know what you are thinking-” Clarke started to talk but was interrupted by Lexa.

“And why the hell do you think you know what I’m thinking, Clarke?!”

“You are thinking that I told everyone about England and Jason and Ella before you, and you are angry”

“Of course I’m angry Not only don’t you tell me I have a daughter for 8 fucking years, 8 years Clarke, but you tell all our friends first?” she said raising her voice. She took a deep breath to try and calm herself down a bit, not wanting to shout at Clarke in front of everyone.

“I didn’t tell them about Jason, Lexa. They obviously know about Ella, because they saw me with her, and I didn’t lie to them about our daughter. But I never told them about Jason,” it was still hard for Clarke to talk about it, so she waited a few seconds before continuing, “I have been going to therapy about it, and that has helped, but apart from my parents, you are the only one that had always made me feel safe enough to trust about it”

“Okay. I’m sorry for reacting that way”

“Lexa, you have nothing to be sorry about. I would have drawn the same conclusions” she was going to get the beers when she remembered something, “Tomorrow we are supposed to have a therapy session. I don't think I should be your therapist taking into account our relationship, and that we have Ella. I know my mother wanted me to be the one to help you and it would be frowned upon, but it would not exactly unethical since we don’t have a relationship anymore. So I know a therapist that works at the hospital who would be good for you, and I already talked to him about it, and has tomorrow free, at the same time our appointment was, so he could be able to come instead of me, but if you want to find someone else-”

“Clarke, breathe. I agree that maybe you shouldn't be my therapist. And if you say he would be good for me, I trust you on that”

“Okay then, the appointment still stands for tomorrow” she said with a smile “We should get back to our friends now. Maybe don’t ask Raven about her pet project, because I don’t think anyone can bear hearing about it again”

They got beers for themselves and a couple more in case someone wanted one, and they went back to join their friends.

When they got back to the group, Lexa looked at Clarke with mischief in her eyes and asked “ So Raven, tell me more about this pet project of yours”

Everyone let out a loud groan when raven started talking animatedly about some machine or other she had been creating in her free time. Lexa looked at Clarke with a smile and could see that Clarke was smiling back at her.

A few our later everyone was talking about heading home, so Lexa decided to go to the bathroom first. On her way there she was stoped by Niylah. They talked for a minute or so, when Niylah started to lean in for a kiss. She did it slowly so Lexa could back away if she wanted to. In that moment a lot of thoughts run through her head, about Clarke, Ella, England. 

She could see that Niylah wanted to have sex with her, and it had been a while since she had had sex, and with everything that had happened with Clarke, and finding out about Ella, she thought maybe she needed it to clear her mind a bit, so she leaned in and kissed her, pushing her agains the wall of the hall. She smiled when she heard a moan coming from Niylah.

When they finally pulled back, Niylah leaned in close to Lexa’s ear, “Do you want to get out of here?" Lexa nodded, before saying she needed to go to the bathroom and that she would meet her in a minute.

After going to the bathroom, she looked herself in the mirror, "You can do this, she wants to you…y-you want to, it’s fine" Lexa slapped some water in her face. She didn't know what had gotten into her but what she about to do felt wrong. "She may not be Clarke but...that's over, Lexa. To get over someone, get under someone else" Lexa slapped herself in the face once, but she still couldn’t stop thinking about Clarke, and how good she still looked. Lexa slapped herself again, "STOP THINKING ABOUT HER, IT’S OVER!" Lexa screamed to herself. She looked in the mirror one more time and left the bathroom to join Niylah.

\-------------------

Clarke wiped her eyes in the kitchen, trying and failing to keep more tears from falling. She was going to the bathroom when she saw Lexa push Niylah against a wall while kissing her. She knew she had no right to be angry at Lexa, since they were not together. It had been her decision to break up. It had been her decision not to tell her about Ella at the very beginning. So she shouldn’t be angry. But she was still sad. She knew Lexa was understandably angry at her, and that she had in no way forgiven her. She knew she wouldn’t in a long time, and she understood that, but still, in the back of her mind she still had hope that they would get over the betrayal. 

She made sure no one could see she had been crying and got out of the kitchen, just in time to see Lexa and Niylah leaving the apartment, holding hands. She knew what was going to happen between Lexa and Niylah, but she didn't do anything. She was not going to get in the way of Lexa happiness, not anymore, even if it killed her inside.


	26. Chapter 26

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy :)

Clarke was waiting outside her office for Lexa to arrive, since changing doctors meant that she now had free time. She could see that Lexa was already 5 minutes late, and she could only think that it was probably because she was still with Niylah. That was Clarke's last thought before Lexa came into the room.

"Sorry I'm late, I got caught up in traffic" Lexa said.

“Is traffic really the excuse you’re using?" Clarke mentally slapped herself, she hadn’t want it to say out loud.

“What?" she said, turning her head.

Lexa didn't understand why Clarke was so mad. They had had a great night with all their friends, and after their talk, she had thought that everything was okay with them. And in any case, she should be the one that was angry. She thought back to the night before to figure out if she had done something to upset Clarke, when she figured out that maybe Clarke had seen her with Niylah. Clarke still didn’t have the right to be angry, after everything, and they were not together, so if she wanted to have sex with someone else, she could. But anger is sometimes illogical, so she understood that Clarke was angry. 

"Sorry that wasn't professional of me, you should go on an talk to your do-” Clarke tried to change the subject as fast as she could, but she had just seen a small hickey on Lexa’s neck. What she with a vampire or are they 12?, Clarke thought to herself.

Lexa could see that Clarke was looking at her neck, and she rubbed to back of her neck feeling self conscious, "What are you staring at?"

“Nothing, you just have…something on your neck” Clarke said as she watched Lexa look at herself in the reflection on her phone.

“Oh…I'm sorry, I didn’t even notice it”

“You don't need to apologize, you clearly had a fun night" Clarke put on a forced smile.

Lexa realized Clarke waiting for her to answer, so she tried to change the subject, “Yeah, it was great to see everyone again”

Clarke looked at the time and said, ”You are already a bit late, so maybe you should get going to you session. It’s that door to the left” Lexa nodded her head and started to leave for her session when Clarke gently grabbed her arm to stop her, and spoke again, ”My mom has the night shift, and my dad is still working in LA, so you can come over tonight to have dinner with Ella if you want, or if you are not too busy"

“Yeah, that’d be great. I’ll be over at six, if that works for you”

“Yeah, that works. And maybe you should cover that up before you come over, unless you want to explain it to Ella…” Clarke said with a sad smile.

Clarke looks down, and noticed she was still holding onto Lexa by her arm, so with a mumbled sorry, she let go of the arm and left. Lexa watched her leave, already missing her touch, and hating herself for it. She looked at her reflection again, remembering the events from the night before.

—————————————————————————————————————

The night before

Lexa left the bathroom at Lincoln’s house to join Niylah. She thought that by sleeping with her, she would forget Clarke. She knew it would probably not work, but she also knew that she couldn’t be with Clarke after what she had done to her. She felt sorry for her, after suffering the emotional abuse, but she was still angry at Clarke for not having told her sooner about the pregnancy and Ella. When Clarke had called her all those years ago to tell her about the pregnancy, she should’ve not yelled at her, but Clarke should’ve still tried harder. She just needed an outlet for all the emotions she had inside, and maybe Niylah would be that.

When she joined the others, she tried to look for Clarke to say goodbye but she was nowhere to be found. They all started to leave with Lexa and Niylah behind. Lexa was trying to be discreet about her and Niylah, because even though she and Clarke weren’t together, she knew that it would hurt her. Just when they were leaving Niylah held her hand, and all she could think was that they weren’t as soft as Clarke’s. She immediately let go of the hand, and when Niylah looked back to see what was wrong, she just pointed with her head at the friends before them.

Downstairs everybody got into their cars and said goodbye again, before leaving Niylah and her, who were waiting for a taxi. When the taxi got there, they decided to go to Niylah’s house, since she still lived with her mother.

They made out a little in the taxi, but Lexa was starting to feel like she didn’t want to have sex with Niylah. She thought that if she just powered through, that she could start to forget about Clarke, because she wasn’t sure she could completely forgive her for not telling her about her daughter since the beginning, and making her loose 7 years of her life.

When they got to Niylah’s house, Niylah pushed her against the front door and started making out with her hard, opening the door and guiding them to her bedroom, while still kissing Lexa. Niylah pushed Lexa onto the bed, and straddled her after taking her shirt off. She continued kissing Lexa, who was just going through the motions without much passion. Seeing as Lexa wasn’t really into making out, Niylah started to kiss her down the neck, and at the same time, started to undo the button-up shirt Lexa was wearing. Lexa felt Niylah bit at her neck, and undoing her shirt. She was going to have sex with Niylah just to forget Clarke. That was unfair to Niylah, and she was already regretting everything that had happened with Niylah, so she decide to stop what they were doing.

She turned them over, laying Niylah on the bed. At first Niylah thought that it was finally Lexa taking control, but after looking at her face, she could see that nothing was going to happen.

“I’m sorry Niylah, I can’t do it. I was just using you to try and forget, but I was wrong” she said with tears welling in her eyes.

“Hey, it’s okay. I should have guessed by the way you were looking at Clarke that you were still in love with her. And i also know that it is complicated between you two, but I hope you end up happy, together or not” Niylah said, with a sympathetic smile.

“Thanks for understanding. And again, I’m sorry for everything”

“You should really consider stoping saying sorry all the time, Lexa”

“You’re right, I’m sorry”, at that they both let a small laugh, “again, thank you for everything, Niylah. And if you don’t mind, I would really appreciate you not telling anyone about tonight”

“Don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone”

“Okay, so I’ll call a taxi and just leave. So… see you” with that Lexa left the house, feeling… she really didn’t know what she was feeling.

—————————————————————————————————————

When she got to her therapist’s office she knocked. She heard a voice telling her to go in, and when she did she was welcomed by a middle aged woman, who had a big smile on her face, and had an outstretched hand.

“Hi, Sargent Woods, right?” Lexa nodded and the woman continued, “Please, take a seat” she said guiding her towards the small sofa in the middle of the office, “My name is Callie Cartwig, and I’ll be your therapist during your evaluation. Miss Griffin already informed me about your situation, and shared your file with me, which I have already read. Before we start, I just wanted to let you know that everything you say here is confidential, and that only pertinent information will be added to the evaluation. Always as long has what you say doesn’t bring yourself or others any harm. So you are a little late, and I would ask that you be on time for the other sessions, and as decided with Miss Griffin, these sessions will be three times a week, until the evaluation is complete”

“And how long is these evaluation going to take?”

Now that she had Ella, she didn’t want to go to active duty again, but she still had to get over this evaluation if she wanted to continue working, or if she wanted an honorable discharge.

“That really depends on you, Sargent Woods. The more you talk to me, the faster this will go” she said with a smile, “why don’t we start with the reason you enlisted”

—————————————————————————————————————

Lexa come round to Clarke's house at 6:00. She thought back to her therapy session, and was quite happy about it, even thought it had stirred some emotions that had been suppressed a long time. She knocked on Clarke’s door and when the door open she's met by Ella smiling, "mummy" Ella said with a big smile. Ella took Lexa’s hand and led her into the kitchen where clarks cooking.

“Ella, was that the door?"

Clarke turned around, "Oh hey Lex" Lexa smiled and give her a quick nod, “How did you…Ella, I know you are grown up, but you can’t just open the door without knowing who is outside”

“I know mum, but I saw mummy through the window” 

Ella tugged on Lexa’s hand “Mummy, come and play with me in the yard on the swings” Lexa smiled and let Ella lead her outside so they could play together.

Clarke watched them from the window and she could see Ella laughing so hard she was holding her stomach. She watched Lexa pick her up and pretend to be an airplane. They both jumped up and down on the trampoline together holding hands until they are both out of breath and Ella looked like she getting tired. Clarke watched them both lie on the trampoline together, Lexa putting her arm around Ella, and Ella snuggled in, still catching her breath. 

Lexa pushed her daughters hair out of her eyes, ”See mummy, I have your hair"

Lexa kissed the top of her head, ”I can see that. And you also have my eyes" 

Lexa watched her daughter stare into her eyes.

"DINNER'S READY!!" Clarke shouted

They both sit at the table Clarke had set up and started to eat the chicken that Clarke had cooked. Lexa and Clarke watched their daughter let out little yawn through out dinner.

After the dinner is over, they watch Frozen again, after Ella begged Lexa, and since Lexa had never seen it, she agreed, with Ella saying it was the best film in the whole world. Before the film started, Clarke told Ella to go on her her pajamas on so that if she fell asleep, she could be put straight to bed, so Ella run to her room to get ready.

When was Clarke sure Ella couldn't hear her, she turned to speak to Lexa, ”So, how was todays session?”

“It was actually really good. I think I needed it, and not just for the evaluation” Lexa said starting to help Clarke put the plates away. 

“I’m glad you liked Callie. She is a really good therapist, and even thought she doesn’t primarily work with soldiers, she is really good with and for them”, Clarke said with a smile, “And just so you know, you can come by for dinner anytime you want. Or if you just want to spend time with Ella”

"Thank you. Can I ask you a question?” Clarke looked to Lexa and waited for her to continue.

"Did you just invite me over to see Ella, or did you do it because you don’t want to be on your own?....because of Jason?" Lexa asked.

Clarke sighed, “I obviously invited you so you could spend time with our daughter, I just want you to get to know Ella. After all it is my fault you don’t, but you are right. I don’t exactly like being alone”

They both stared at each other until Ella came running into the kitchen, "Come on, mummies time for Frozen” Ella said running back into the living room and sitting in the middle of the couch so her mothers could sit at either side of her. When Clarke and Lexa sat down, Ella snuggled up to Clarke, and put her feet on Lexa’s lap. They watch the movie until the hear Ella let out little snores. 

Lexa sat up and carried Ella to her room with Clarke behind her making sure Lexa didn't bump their daughter’s head against anything. Lexa gently tucked their daughter in bed, and pushed the wild hair away form her eyes and said, "You really should get this cut" 

Clarke laughed quietly, "She never lets anyone with scissors near it" 

Lexa kissed her daughter’s head. 

"Love you, mummy” Ella mumbled half asleep. Her life was really complicated after everything with Clarke and her time in the army, but in that moment all she could think about was that her little girl loved her.


	27. Chapter 27

The army pays Lexa quite highly for her time in the army, especially after everything she has seen, so she decides to have a look around for new houses. With Ella in her life, she wants her to have her own room, and since Lexa is living with her mother, there isn’t enough room for her daughter.

Lexa wants to take Ella with her, as it’s going to be as much her house as Ella’s, and once Lexa passes, she wants Ella to have as much of a stable life as possible. She already put money aside to get Ella into a good college, and even though she’s sure Clarke has done so too, Lexa wants to help out as much as she can.

Lexa calls Clarke to ask her if she can have Ella for the afternoon. The phone rings five times without an answer and Lexa starts to panic a little bit. Clarke always answers… Well now she does, Lexa thinks to herself.

Clarke finally picks up. “Hey Lex, sorry it took so long to answe-” the blonde gets cut off immediately.

“Are you okay? Is Ella okay?! I’m coming over.” Clarke can hear the panic in Lexa’s voice.

“No… No, Lex, I’m fine, everything's fine, Ella is okay…. I’m just a bit stressed, that’s all. Anyway, why did you call?” Clarke can hear Lexa let out a sigh of relief.

“I was wondering if Ella could come with me today. I’m looking for a new house and… I want Ella to have her own room… It doesn’t have to be right away, Clarke, I just want to have her as close as possible and-”

“Lexa calm down, of course you can have Ella today, she would be so happy to know she’s going to have two bedrooms,” Clarke says, while chuckling at Lexa’s rambling.

“Thank you, this means a lot to me… You-you could come if you want, as you’re stressed. If you want to.”

“Em yeah if you don’t mind.”

“No I don’t mind at all, I’ll pick you both up at 1. Bye.”

“Okay we will see you then. Bye, Lex.”

Lexa smiles, knowing she gets to spend the day with not only Ella, but also Clarke.

\-------------------------------

It's exactly 1 when Lexa knocks on Clarke's door.

"Come in!" Lexa hears Clarke’s voice, so she opens the door and steps in the house. She looks around downstairs but doesn't see either of them, but she hears giggles coming from behind the couch. 

"Shhhh you have to be quiet mum," she hears her little girl say. Lexa quickly looks over the back of the couch, to see Ella and Clarke laughing.

"See mum it's your fault we didn't make mummy jump." Ella stands up and Clarke is still laughing. 

Lexa helps Clarke stand up. Lexa watches Clarke still laughing and she doesn't think she can fall more for the blonde.

"Mummy stop staring at mum," Ella sits laughing at her mother for being completely in blitz with the blonde.

Lexa clears her throat and looks away from Clarke and down to her daughter. Clarke sees that Lexa's gone a little red around her face and she smiles, knowing she still has that effect on Lexa.

"Are you ready Ella, you can pick any house you want okay?" Lexa says.

"Lexa that's a bit much, she’s only seven" Clarke reminds her, as Lexa can't be serious.

"No it’s fine. Any house, Ella". 

Lexa takes Ella’s hand in hers and walks out the house. Clarke watches her daughter stick her tongue out to her, god her daughter has Lexa wrapped around her little finger.

\------------------------ 

It's the third house they have viewed today, Lexa watches Ella smile when she shows her daughter which bedroom would be her room. 

"This is the one mummy"

"Yeah? You're sure... We could view another house if you want" 

"This is perfect mummy." Ella hugs her mother. 

"Stay here, me and your mother are going to look at the rest of the house okay? Don't get out of here." Clarke says 

"Okay, I'll stay in here"

Clarke and Lexa walk around the rest of the house. Clarke knows the house isn't going to be cheap and it's modernised and has a pool, which of course is what Ella wanted.

They both stand in the third bedroom, which isn't the master room.

"What would this room be?" Clarke asks watching Lexa walk around the room.

"Maybe another child's room"

"You want more kids?" Clarke questions. 

"Definitely, I feel like I really know what love is when Ella says she loves me... Also, more little me’s running around the place wouldn't be too bad, would it Clarke?" Lexa nudges the blonde’s shoulder.

"I guess not… Now all you have to do is find a mother for all these children." It pains Clarke to say this, but why would Lexa even want more children with her.

"I think I already have," Lexa states, eyeing Clarke. 

"Who would that be?" Clarke asks hopefully.

Lexa walks closer to Clarke while talking, "It would b-" 

"Mummies let’s go and see the pool!" Ella screams. Clarke’s heart stops. She was so close to finding out who Lexa want her future with.

After Ella plays in the pool splashing around, Lexa signs for the house. Clarke looks at the price of the house and raises an eyebrow, but Lexa just gives her a shy smile while signing the contract.

"Congratulations Mrs woods, she's definitely a keeper," the estate agent congratulates Clarke, as the both of them watch Lexa put Ella on her shoulders.

"She definitely is," Clarke mutters, more to herself than to the woman.


	28. Chapter 28

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke finds lexa's uniform :)
> 
> Hope you enjoy the chapter :)

Ella's room is the first to be finished in Lexa's new house, as Lexa wanted it to be perfect for their little girl.

They all went shopping together, to make sure Ella got everything she wanted. 

When Ella's room was finished, Lexa smiled at the huge grin on her daughter's face.

"Do you like it?" Lexa asks nervously. She put in a lot of hard work into the room to make it perfect.

"Yes! Mummy, this is amazing!" Ella runs up to Lexa and the woman bends down to pick her up so they can hug.

Ella swing her little arms around Lexa's neck and whisperers, "I love you mummy." 

Lexa smiles, then kisses the top of her head and pushes her hair out her face. "I love you too." Lexa smiles. It really does warm her heart to see that she's made Ella happy.

Clarke is watching them from the hallway, her eyes watering. She wishes Lexa could have been there when Ella was a baby.

Clarke clears her throat. "Ella, time for bed, it's getting late." 

Ella kisses Lexa's check and Lexa puts her down, so she can kiss Clarke good night, for her blonde mother is now heading home to her house.

"Night mama, love you," Ella says, and she lets go of Clarke.

"Love you too sweetie, I'll see you in the morning." Lexa and Clarke both put her to bed and read her a story. Ella is soon fast asleep, as she's had a busy week spending Lexa's money.

They both leave Ella's room and Lexa closes the door quietly so as not to wake her.

They make their way into the living room and Clarke starts putting on her coat, since she doesn't want to overstay her welcome.

"You could stay. It's late and I don't want you to drive home in the dark... Plus, it's raining," Lexa argues. She doesn't want Clarke to leave; she loves being around her little family, even if Clarke's not hers.

"It's only a little bit of rain, plus I don't want to intru-" 

"You won't be," Lexa assures, not letting Clarke lose eye contact with her.

Clarke doesn't say anything, so Lexa continues, "You can sleep in my bed, I'll sleep on the couch."

"I'm not kicking you out of your own bed Lexa."

"I insist," Lexa says, and she keeps a straight face so Clarke knows she's not joking.

"Fine," Clarke relents, taking off her coat.

"I have a few boxes still to unpack in my room so I'm just gonna quickly do that," Lexa says.

"I'll help you, it will be quicker," Clarke offers. Lexa nods her head and walks to her bedroom with Clarke just behind her.

It's about 30 minutes later and they are almost done. There are three boxes left and one is more tucked away than the other, and Lexa hasn't bothered to even glance at it, which makes Clarke wonder what's in it.

Clarke waits for Lexa to leave the bedroom, then she drags the box over to her and starts to open it slowly, scared of what she will see, and she can tell Lexa is scared of it.

Clarke rips open the seal of the box and looks inside to find Lexa's soldier uniform. Clarke pulls it out so she can get a better look at it and when she does, she notices three photos that fall out, so she picks them up and looks closely.

She picks one up and looks at it. It's of her and Lexa when they where teens, Lexa is smiling with her arms around Clarke's waist. Clarke is smiling, too, and her nose is nuzzled into Lexa's neck. 

Clarke feels her eyes tearing up. She thought Lexa had moved on.

She picks up the second photo and it's another one of her and Lexa: they're in bed together, it was the night Clarke lost her virginity to Lexa, and Clarke's snuggled up to the brunette, kissing her lightly, both of them half asleep. Clarke had no idea that Lexa had taken this photo of them together.

She picks up the last photo and it's of Lexa holding Clarke's hand to her mouth, kissing it, and Clarke smiling. She turns it over and she's in tears when she reads, "my forever and always." 

She see her tears drop onto the photo. She holds it close to her heart. 

Clarke puts the photos in her pocket, deciding that she needs to have copies of them.

She pulls out Lexa's uniform so she can see it probably, but gasps when she sees three bullet holes and blood on it. Lexa was shot?

She looks over the whole uniform, looking for any more bloodstains, however, her eyes quickly go to all the medals that Lexa has on her uniform. She doesn't have time to count, though, as the bedroom door opens and Lexa appears.

"What are you doing?" Lexa asks in a panicked voice.

"I-I was unpacking this," Clarke stutters out.

"Put it back!" Lexa snaps and she rushes over to Clarke and starts shoving her uniform back in to the box as fast as she can. Lexa is breathing heavily and Clarke has never seen Lexa like this, she's never seen her so angry.

"Don't you ever look in there again! Do you understand me?!" Clarke can see that Lexa is scares. 

"I'm sorry," Clarke whispers.

Clarke watches Lexa throw the box in a closet and slam the door, but not loud enough to wake Ella up. Lexa is breathing heavily, with her back against the closet door.

Lexa lifts her head and sees a scared Clarke. it reminds her of when they were teenagers and Lexa lost her temper with Finn.

"I'm sorry Clarke, I didn't mean to react like that," Lexa says, slowly walking to Clarke. She feels awful, especially after what Clarke has been through.

"No it's oka-" 

"No! It's not okay, I should have kept my temper under control, you've already been through enough," Lexa states, and she sits down next to Clarke on the bed.

"So have you," Clarke whispers, resting her head on Lexa shoulder.

"I knew what I was getting myself into, you didn't. I'm so sorry I wasn't there," Lexa says, taking Clarke's hand in hers. She can feel Clarke's hands shaking and Lexa hates herself for doing this to Clarke.

"Lexa, it wasn't your fault. All that matters now is that we are here together and we have a beautiful little girl that we created out of love." 

Lexa turns to face Clarke and stares at her for a moment until she pulls her in gently for a hug. 

They hold each other for a few minutes. Lexa is first to break the silence "I love you... I've never stopped loving you," Lexa confesses, and pulls back, wiping her tears away. Blue meets green and it isn't in lust, but in complete love.

Clarke doesn't know what to say to Lexa. She knows she loves her, but this is the first time in 8 years she has truly felt loved and wanted. Clarke just wants human contact, human contact that is loving and caring. In this moment, she knows that Lexa really means the words that came out her mouth.

They stare into each other's eyes and Lexa gently pushes Clarke's blonde hair from her face. This is the most intimate either of them have been for years.

"Make love to me," Clarke whispers in desperation.


	29. Chapter 29

"Make love to me."

Lexa doesn't know what to do. She wants to be with Clarke intimately again, but what would that mean for their relationship?

Clarke sees that Lexa doesn't know what to say. 

"I should go," Clarke says, standing up and heading for the bedroom door. She didn't think she would get rejected. It hurts a lot, to know Lexa doesn't see her that way anymore.

"Clarke don't go," Lexa pleads and rushes to the bedroom door to shut it as Clarke was about to open it.

Clarke turns around to look at Lexa, tears falling down her face.

"Forgive me." Lexa can hear the double meaning in those words but Clarke carries on. "That wasn't supposed to come out," Clarke whispers.

"It's okay," Lexa comforts as she gently leads Clarke back to her bed.

They sit in silence, not really knowing what to say to each other.

Lexa feels as though she owes Clarke and explanation.

"Clarke, god, I wanna make love to you, but what would that mean for our relationship?" 

"I don't know," Clarke whispers back.

"I-I haven't been with anyone since... us," Lexa chokes out.

Clarke turns her head in surprise, eyebrow raised. Lexa the old fuckgirl hasn't had sex in eight years!?

"I, emmm, I couldn't, no one would add up to you, I couldn't go through with sleeping with Nyilah, because I wanted it to be you, I always wanted to be you," Lexa admits.

Clarke nods her head, "I haven't in a long time either," she mumbles. 

Lexa stands up and heads to her drawers. She pulls out some pj's for Clarke to wear. "The top my be a bit tight," Lexa says, handing Clarke the spare clothes. 

"Thank you." Clarke stands and leaves to change in Lexa's bathroom. 

Lexa quickly changes into pj's herself and waits for the blonde to come out of the bathroom again. 

When Clarke walks out of the bathroom, Lexa swallows. That top definitely is tight, Lexa thinks to herself.

Clarke watches Lexa's face go red, as she has just been caught staring at the beautiful blonde.

Lexa clears her throat. "Emm, I'll see you in the morning, Clarke," Lexa smiles.

"Stay, we won't do anything, I promise. I just wanna be as close to you as possible just for tonight," the last part is whispered.

Lexa nods her head. She can share her bed with her ex lover, can't she?

Clarke lays down, so she is facing Lexa when she joins her. 

They both stare at each other, not saying a word, until Clarke breaks the silence with a question she's been dying to ask.

"Where were you shot?"

Clarke watches Lexa move uncomfortably under the bed sheets.

"One in my arm and the other two in my stomach," Lexa replies with a stone cold face.

Clarke is about to ask her another question, but Lexa cuts her off.

"Can we talk about something else?" Lexa asks softly. She doesn't want to lose her temper again, which happens when every time she talks about war. 

Clarke nods her head and Lexa leans forward to kiss the top of Clarke's head. "Thank you". Lexa puts her hand on Clarke's hip and gently pushes it so Clarke rolls onto her back. Lexa pushes her again so she's no longer facing Lexa, and at first it confuses Clarke.

Until Lexa snuggles into Clarke's back and wraps her arm around Clarke's waist. Protectively.

Clarke sighs happily at the human contact, it's not exactly what she wanted but it's something.

\-----------

Clarke's the first to wake up. She feels someone snuggled into her neck from the front.

She thought Lexa had fallen asleep behind her but when she gets a better look she sees it isn't Lexa but their daughter letting out little breaths on her neck.

Lexa still has her arms wrapped around Clarke protectively. She closes her eyes for a moment and lets the scene in front of her sink into her mind.

She feels Lexa move impossible closer to her, but it's not the only thing she feels.

Clarke's eye widen. Lexa's very hard behind her and their daughter is in the bed as well. She would ask the brunette to move, however, it could wake Ella up and Clarke doesn't want to do that, so she doesn't know what to do.

"Lex," Clarke whispers 

Lexa only snuggles closer to her and it's adorable.

"Lex," Clarke says louder and pushes her ass into Lexa's member.

Lexa's eyes widen.

"Shit, sorry Clarke's you know it's been a long time."

"Shhh," Clarke says. "Ella's here." 

Lexa opens her eyes wider. What the fuck is she gonna do?

Before either of them come up with a plan, Ella shifts and wakes up.

Crap. They both think.

"Hey sweetie, you okay?" Clarke asks, pushing her daughter's hair from her face.

Ella looks between them both and smiles.

"I had a nightmare. Mummy what are you doing here?" 

Clarke turns to Lexa asking for help, luckily Lexa answers, which make Clarke sign in relief.

"It was raining and it was best for mummy to stay here as the roads were slippery," Lexa replies, quite proud of her answer. It isn't like she's lying to Ella.

"But why are you in bed together, you two never do that when me and mummy are at home?" Lexa and Clarke can see that this is confusing their daughter quite a bit, so Clarke answers.

"I had a night mare just like you," she says, hoping Ella won't push for answers about the nightmare.

"Was it about him? Mine was," Ella confesses with a pout.

"Who's him baby?" Lexa asks, becoming concerned very quickly.

"Jason," Ella says, looking at Clarke, "I dreamt he came back and hurt us." It breaks Clarke and Lexa's heart to see their daughter scared.

"He's not coming back okay... He's gone... Nothing's going to happen," Lexa promises, kissing her daughter's cheek.

Ella nods her head, "Okay".

"How about we go and get some breakfast," Clarke suggests, forcing a happy tone into her voice.

"The waffle shop?!" Ella screams.

"Anything you want," they both reply.

Not really.

They watch Ella go skipping to her bedroom to get dressed.

Clarke stands up but Lexa pulls her arm.

"Does this happen a lot... the nightmares?" Lexa asks.

"Not really, but when they do, they're quite bad," Clarke answers honestly.

"Believe me when I say I won't let anything happen to either of you. I would die before letting anything happen," Lexa swears, rubbing her hand on Clarke's. 

"I know," Clarke nods and leaves Lexa with her thoughts.

If he ever comes back, I'll kill him with my bare hands for doing that to my family, Lexa thinks to herself.

\------------

After having breakfast, Lexa takes Clarke and Ella home.

She walks them up to the door hugs and kisses Ella goodbye.

She's watching Ella go running inside to see her grandmother.

Clarke smiles to Lexa and turns to go inside, but Lexa stops her.

"Wait a second." Clarke looks confused, so Lexa continues. "If we're gonna do this, I wanna do it properly and take you on a date," Lexa ask nervously.

Clarke smiles. "Of course I'll go on a date with you Lexa," Clarke giggles like she's a teen at Lexa's nerves.

"Good, how about this Friday at 6?" Lexa asks.

Clarke kisses Lexa's cheek. "See you then."


	30. Chapter 30

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy :)

Clarke and Lexa are both nervously counting down the days until Friday. Lexa goes shopping to buy a dress for Clarke; not that she thinks Clarke wouldn't have dresses, it's just that she saw one in the shop and it screamed Clarke's name to her, so Lexa figures, why not buy it for her.

Lexa also buys 100 roses and some chocolates, because she wants to completely spoil the girl. She deserves it, Lexa thinks.

It's only Thursday and Lexa just wants the day to hurry up so they can have their date. Still, Lexa's going round Clarke's for dinner, which she doesn't mind, as long as she's with Clarke and Ella.

Lexa pulls up outside Clarke's house dead on time. Lexa's always been good at time keeping.

Lexa knocks and Clarke's bright smile is the first thing she sees when the door opens. Clarke pulls her in for a tight hug, which shocks Lexa at first, as she's still getting used to Clarke's touches once again.

"Thanks for coming," Clarke greets her, and Lexa can see that something is wrong, but she doesn't want to push for question. She just smiles instead.

"Of course," Lexa says happily, trying to figure out what it is that Clarke is trying to hide from her.

Clarke leads Lexa into the kitchen, where they can watch Ella playing outside in the back garden.

It's eating Lexa up inside to see that Clarke's hiding something, so she decides to ask questions. Not straight to the point though, for she wants to see if she can figure it out.

"You looking forward to tomorrow?" Lexa asks, hoping that Clarke doesn't want to back out at the last minute.

Lexa waits for a reply, but she can see that see Clarke is daydreaming while staring at their daughter.

Lexa moves closer and whispers, "Clarke?" 

Clarke jumps out of her trance. "Sorry, what did you say?" 

"Clarke, are you okay? Did something happen?" Lexa is growing nervous by the second.

"Of course I'm fine." Clarke's forced smile is not lost on Lexa.

"Clarke, I know when a girl says they're fine, they're not fine at all." Lexa tries not to push, but she wants to know what's bothering Clarke so much.

Clarke doesn't say anything. 

"I-if it's because of tomorr-"

"It's not," Clarke interrupts with a mumble.

"Then tell me pleas-" Lexa gets cut off by Ella running inside.

"Hey! Mummy!" Lexa bends down so she can hug her daughter properly.

"Hey Ella." Lexa smiles and kisses the top of her daughter's head.

"Come and help me set the table," Ella asks. Lexa nods, then follows Ella, but waits for the girl to get out of earshot before she turns to Clarke again.

"We will talk about this later," Lexa promises, and she sees Clarke wipe a tear away.

Lexa kisses Clarke cheek and rubs her arm to try and calm her down a bit, since their daughter is in the other room.

"Go, I'll be okay." Clarke gives her a shy smile.

Lexa nods her head and leaves so she can help Ella.

Lexa puts all the cutlery away, as she doesn't want Ella to get hurt. Even though her daughter says she's big enough, Lexa doesn't allow her, which makes the little girl pout at her mother. "Maybe next time squirt." Lexa ruffles her daughter's hair, but helps her push it out of her eyes.

"Okay but mamma would let me do it," Ella tries to defend herself.

Lexa laughs at her. She's definitely stubborn like Clarke.

"Well I'm not mamma," Lexa replies.

Clarke enters the dinning room with some food.

"Hey Lex, grab the rest from the kitchen."

"How much did you cook? Are you feeding a bear?" Lexa asks in a silly tone, trying to lighten the mood from earlier.

Ella giggles at Lexa's words. "No mummy, don't be silly " Lexa laughs at her daughter, then looks over to Clarke, who also has a smile on her face. A really big smile. Mission accomplished, Lexa thinks.

Lexa brushes past Clarke and goes to get the rest of the food that the blonde asked her to get.

When Lexa comes back in, she rushes over to Clarke so she can tuck her chair in.

"Thank you," Clarke says. Lexa is a gentlewoman.

"And me mummy," Ella chimes in, waiting for Lexa to tuck her in.

"Of course, how could I forget to tuck my princess in!" Lexa says dramatically.

Clarke watches Lexa sit down next to her, and waits for Ella to start eating so she knows her daughter is not listening, as she doesn't want to confuse her more.

"I thought I was your princess," Clarke whispers.

"No, Ella my princess, now... you however, you're my queen," Lexa responds. She knows it's cheesy, but it has Clarke laughing, and that's Lexa's goal for the night.

After dinner, the little family snuggle up on the couch, watching Christmas movies.

Ella snuggles up to Lexa and Clarke has her head on her lap, while Lexa plays with the blonde's hair, for which the blonde hums in appreciation.

After another hour, Lexa gently pushes Clarke to sit up, so she can tuck Ella into bed.

Clarke is half asleep as it is, so Lexa tries to be as quiet as possible.

She tucks Ella into bed and kisses her forehead, before mumbling "I love you" in her daughter's ear.

Lexa quietly walks down stairs and finds Clarke fast asleep on the couch. Lexa thinks it's the cutest thing.

She scoops the blonde up bridal style and carries her up the stairs.

She doesn't want to not have Clarke's consent, so she doesn't take off her ex lover's clothes, even though it's not like she hasn't seen her nude before. Still, Lexa doesn't want Clarke to freak out in the morning.

Lexa tucks Clarke into bed and kisses the girl's forehead.

"Goodnight, I-I love you" Lexa doesn't think Clarke can hear her, but her heart beats incredibly faster when she see Clarke open her eyes.

"I love you too," Clarke says as she pulls Lexa in for a kiss.


	31. Chapter 31

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Date night comes around 
> 
> Enjoy :)

The next thing Lexa knows is that Clarke's lips are on hers, and she immediately relaxes into the kiss and kisses her back. God she's missed Clarke's kisses. Even if she kisses her on the cheek, it will never be enough. They missed out eight years of kisses and Clarke is more the determined to get them back.

Clarke's tongue asks for entrance and Lexa happily allows it. They both moan when their tongues connect with. It's like their spark has just reignited at feeling each other's tongues.

Clarke pulls Lexa so that the brunette is lying on top of her. The kiss grows impossibly more passionate as both girls keep moaning, getting more excited. Clarke can feel the excitement between her legs and she's sure that just by kissing Lexa like this, she's going to explode.

Lexa grinds down onto Clarke to relieve some tension that is clearly between her legs. Clarke moans louder when she feels how hard Lexa has gotten just over a hot make out session.

"Don't stop," Clarke begs as Lexa starts kissing the girl neck. Lexa has always known it's one of Clarke's weak spots, so that satisfies her even more.

But Lexa stops, which makes Clarke whine.

"Clarke?" she whispers.

"It's okay." Clarke stare into Lexa's eyes.

"We can't do this," Lexa says as she pulls away from Clarke a bit, to give the girl some space.

"Why? What's wrong? Is it me? Don't you see me like that anymore?" Clarke begins to panic and starts to ramble.

"Shhh." Lexa takes Clarke's hand in hers. "I want to take you on a date before anything else happens, and Clarke, I think you can see that I definitely see you like that still," Lexa says, gesturing to her crotch.

"Okay." 

"Okay?" 

"Next time then, Woods," Clarke teases.

This makes Lexa laugh. That's my girl, Lexa thinks.

Clarke doesn't allow Lexa to go home that night, so they spend the night in her bed, with Clarke snuggled up to Lexa.

Lexa is playing with the blonde's hair and it's making Clarke drift off into a deep sleep.

–----———------

This time when they wake up together, it's just the two of them, as Ella must be still asleep.

"Morning," Lexa mumbles. 

Clarke rolls over so she can face Lexa and smiles at the sight of the brunette. Clarke always thought Lexa was perfect in her eyes, but she does look good in the morning glow coming from the window.

"Morning, Lexa," Clarke says, and then snuggles further into the brunette's neck, Lexa pulling her closer. This is the first time in eight year that Clarke has felt complete safe. Lexa is the only person the blonde can trust completely with her life, as she knows that the brunette would put her and Ella above her own safety, and she just loves how protective Lexa is of them. She hopes Ella will turn out to be even more like Lexa - if that's even possible, since they're so much alike. Still, if that happens, Clarke will be incredibly proud of their daughter, as she is sure Lexa will be too.

"We should probably get up, it is date night after all, and I need to go home and start preparing," Lexa says.

"It's only 8 in the morning Lex, our date isn't until 6. We have plenty of time," Clarke contests, wanting Lexa to stay in bed with her longer, as she loves being close to the brunette.

"It will be worth it I promise," Lexa says as she pecks Clarke's lips. The blonde chases her lips, wanting more.

"Maybe next time Griffin," Lexa says sarcastically, remembering what the blonde said to her last night.

"You're mean," Clarke mumbles. Lexa just laughs at the blonde. She sits up and Clarke rolls off of her. Lexa quickly put her clothes back on and heads to the bathroom so she can freshen up. 

When she comes back out Clarke's still in bed, which it makes her laugh. Clarke's definitely not a morning person. She never really has been if Lexa can recall, she just finds it cute when Clarke wants her to stay in bed with her all day and watch movies or just sleep for the entire summer.

Lexa walks over to Clarke and kisses her forehead." You should get a delivery today at 12. Don't miss it, please be up in time for that," Lexa says with a laugh. She wasn't going to tell Clarke she was getting a delivery, but she wouldn't put it past the blonde to sleep in until later in the afternoon.

"A delivery?"

"Yeah don't miss it," Lexa repeats herself. She just hopes that Clarke likes the dress she got for her.

"Can you tell me what it is?" Clarke asks with her best puppy eyes impression. She knows it gets to Lexa, but the brunette is just going to have to be strong this time.

"No," Lexa refuses quickly.

"Please," Clarke pouts. This girl gonna be the death of me, Lexa thinks 

"No," Lexa repeats, and kisses Clarke's lips, only to practically run out of the bedroom, before she can cave with Clarke.

"12 Clarke, don't miss it!" Lexa says over her shoulders.

Lexa walks to her daughter's room to see she's still asleep. Yep she gets that from Clarke, Lexa thinks, though she's glad he daughter hasn't had another nightmare.

Lexa leaves the house to get everything set up for her date tonight with Clarke. She quietly closes the front door and locks it, then posts the key through the letter box, so no one can get in.

When Lexa gets home, she phones up the restaurant to make sure that they get her a booked table for tonight, which she sighs in relief when they do.

She also phones up the people who are going to deliver Clarke's dress and asks if it is on time. Luckily for her, it is; everything's going fine. Calm down, Lexa chides herself mentally. 

She decides to go for a run to help with her nerves, but when she gets back from her run, it's only 12. She takes a long hot bath and waits anxiously for a text from Clarke.

She starts to panic a bit when she doesn't hear from Clarke, until the blonde calls her 5 mins later.

"It's beautiful," Clarke says

"Are your sure? Does it fit?"

"Lexa it's perfect, how did you know?"

"It had your name on it when I saw it and I had to buy it for you."

"Lexa, this wasn't cheap."

"No I wasn't," Lexa admits.

"I'll give you the money back."

"What no, Clarke, I'm going to hang up and pretend I didn't hear you say that... bye Clarke, love you." Lexa doesn't know she said I love you until she hears Clarke gasps a little over the phone.

"I love you too, bye."

\---------

It's a little earlier than 6 when Lexa comes to pick Clarke up, because she just can't wait to see the blonde in the dress she picked out for her.

She knocks on the door, but frowns when she see Clarke still in sweats and a t-shirt.

"Emm Clarke, I brought you that dress for a reason. Not that you don't look beautiful now, but that was the whole point."

"I-I... I can't come, sorry." Clarke goes to shut the door but Lexa puts her foot in the way.

"You can't come?" Lexa asks confused.

"Yes, sorry," Clarke says again, but Lexa still doesn't move her foot.

"Why?" Lexa asks, looking all over the blonde's face. Searching for answers.

"I can't do this again, Lexa, I'm sorry." Lexa's heart drops from her chest.

"Bullshit!"

"Lexa you need to leave." Lexa stares at Clarke for a few seconds and Clarke thinks she's going to leave.

"No, let me inside Clarke. We can talk about this."

"There's nothing to talk about," Clarke states, trying to stop tears from falling.

"Open the goddamn door Clarke," Lexa says, starting to get annoyed with the blonde.

Clarke doesn't say anything.

Lexa has had enough, so she just pushes Clarke out of the way. Not hard enough to hurt the blonde, just hard enough for her to make room for Lexa.

Clarke comes chasing after Lexa. "NO LEXA YOU NEED TO LEAVE RIGHT NOW PLEASE!"

Clarke tries pulling Lexa back to the front door, but Lexa is stronger than her.

But Lexa stops dead in her tracks when an older man comes into the hallway and stops in the doorway.

"Jason," Lexa grits out. Blood must have blood.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Someone's gonna get their ass kicked 
> 
> Hope you liked this chapter, even I'm excited to start writing the next one also the next chapter will be violent but I'm not sure how much :)


	32. Chapter 32

Red.

That's the only colour Lexa sees when looking at this man.

But the colour of blood disappears when she sees her daughter standing behind him. Her eyes make contact with Ella and Ella smiles and shouts, "Mummy!" then pushes her way past Jason to get to her mother. Lexa can see that Jason wasn't expecting Ella to do that or to be that strong, because he tries to get a hold of her, but Lexa picks her up and quickly hands her over to Clarke, before shoving Jason back. He falls back on his ass.

"Don't touch her!" Lexa shouts. She knows that it scares Ella, but no one touches her daughter.

Lexa takes the time to walk back over to her daughter and searches for any injuries. She sighs in relief upon realising that Ella is completely fine. Lexa would even dare say that Ella looks proud of her mother for standing up to him, since she has never seen anyone do that.

Lexa looks over to Clarke. "Take her to my house, I'll be there within a hour. Lock the door and don't let anyone who isn't me in, okay?" she requests calmly.

"Lexa, what are you going to do?" Clarke is growing concerned, for she remembers Lexa saying that she would kill Jason if he came back, and Lexa doesn't break promises.

"It will be okay. Go, get Ella and yourself somewhere safe." Lexa pushes Clarke back a little, trying to hurry things up. She can't hold her anger anymore, but she also doesn't want her daughter to see her like this.

"Yes, Clarke go. Don't worry, I won't tell any details about us," Jason says with a smirk, and Clarke feels sick.

Clarke turns around with Ella in her arms, then looks back at Lexa, who's walking into the kitchen, where Jason is. The man smirks, but Clarke knows Lexa is about to knock the smirk off his face.

When Clarke gets outside, she sees her mother pull up in her car.

"MOM! Mom take Ella to Lexa's and lock the door, okay? Don't answer it," Clarke says as she rushes over to her mother.

"Clarke, what's going on?" Abby asks as the blonde puts Ella in her mother's car, then closes the door so she won't hear.

"He's back. Jason is back and I-I think Lexa's going to kill him if I don't go back in there, so take Ella," Clarke begs, already running back into the house.  
\----------

Lexa cracks her knuckles.

"Bringing your fists to a gun fight. I thought you were a solider, shouldn't you know better?" he asks, pulling the gun out from behind him.

Now Lexa gets why he's smiling.

"Fight like a man," Lexa grits out.

"Apparently, you're half of one," he chuckles.

Lexa has had enough. She knows she could disarm him in seconds. Instead, she lets her temper build and build, as she doesn't want to hold back, because god, he deserves exactly what Lexa's gonna give him.

She grabs his arm and forces him to the kitchen counter, before taking the gun from him and tossing out the window.

She pushes down on his arm harder, which makes his whine in pain.

However, she lets up, for she wants a fight. "That's better," she says.

She lets him stand back up and he tries to strike her in the face, yet she catches his fist and knees him in the gut.

Jason grabs his stomach in pain and Lexa punches him in the face as he comes down.

As soon as he's on the floor, she's above him, hitting him in the face repeatedly. She can feel the warmth of his blood - or maybe it's hers, because her knuckles are bleeding - but she does stop. That is, until she hears the front door open.

From the corner of her eye, Lexa can see the front door open and her heart drops when she see it's Clarke. Still, she stands up and shuts the kitchen door, making sure to lock it so Clarke can't come inside.

The door has a window in it though, so when she sees the state of Jason's face and Lexa's fists, Clarke puts two and two together and realises Lexa has shut the door because she isn't done with him... yet.

Lexa watches him choke on his own blood and smirks, feeling incredibly pleased. He looks at her with pitiful eyes, pleading her to let him go.

Lexa watches him struggle to his feet and try and leave out the back door, but she grabs him by his collar and throws him against the wall.

"Fuck YOU!" He screams at her as she punches him in the face again, and hears a bone break.

She's on top of him again, watching him struggle for his breath. But that doesn't stop her from beating him. She doesn't care that this man, who put Clarke and Ella through hell, is about to die by her hands.

Clarke decides that's enough "Lexa open the door!"

Another punch.

"Lexa!!"

Lexa hears another bone break.

Clarke is banging on the door, but it's like Lexa doesn't even hear her.

Lexa puts her hands around his throat. And squeezes. She can feel him lifting his knees up, trying to flip her off of him, and his hand come up to try and ease Lexa off, but she just stares into his eyes as she watches them lose life with each second.

Clarke breaks the glass of the door and unlocks it. She kneels down in front on Lexa, but the brunette's eyes don't move from Jason.

Clarke puts her hands on Lexa's face and finally, blue meets green.

"You have to stop," Clarke says, since Lexa still hasn't let him go.

"He deserves to die what he did," Lexa grits out, tightening her grip on him.

"Maybe he does, but Ella deserves to have you as a mother and if you kill him, you will take that away from her," Clarke pleads, caressing Lexa's cheeks.

At the mention of Ella, Lexa immediately lets go of him.

Clarke helps Lexa get off of the man, who is by now hardly breathing.

Clarke calls 911, as she doesn't want a dead body in her house. If it was in the woods, though, she wouldn't think twice about leaving him.

The police come as well and Clarke explains that Jason had been sending her things when he was in jail, but she doesn't know how he knew where she lives, and that he broke into her house.

She also told them he had a gun, that he threatened her and Lexa with, and that Lexa hit him in self defence.

Lexa was took into questioning that night and her captain rang her.

"Sergeant Woods, I just heard what you did."

Lexa doesn't say anything.

"I thought you where getting better?" he asks.

"If that was the mother of your child and your daughter, what would have done?" Lexa asks, because she knows she acted on protectiveness and instinct.

"The same as you but... I would have made sure that pathetic man was dead."

"Two more hits to the face and he would have been," Lexa says.

"Don't be hard on yourself, we both know one would have been enough... between me and you, I'm proud of who you have become... well done, Woods."

"T-thank you captain."

The line goes dead, and for the first time in eight years, Lexa feels good after she did something. She feels as though she won her family war. For them.


	33. Authors notes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> YOU NEED TO READ!!!!

The next chapter that comes out for this story will probably be the last one and I'm sorry but there's only so far a story can go until it's no longer entertaining to read. I have given It much thought to where the story could get even longer and have more twists and turn but I'm not sure. I know you guys love this story so if the next chapter is the last one I will try to make it the best that I can.

Also if the next is my last one I will write up what would of happend if I would have made it longer but who know maybe there will be sequel but probably not.

Sorry if I upset anyone but I think this story kinda had its run and now it only need a ending:)


	34. Chapter 34

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ive read your guys comments and I understand you don't want the story to end so this will not be the last chapter however the final chapter isn't that far away. 
> 
> I know I haven't updated this story in forever but hope you enjoy this chapter:)

Clarke waits outside the police station for Lexa she knows that Lexa getting let out because Lexa only done what she had to protect her family and if not she wouldn't have taken it to that existent.

When Lexa open the door to leave the police station she sees Clarke with a big smile on her face and she runs up to Lexa and hugs her Lexa a little taken back at first because she thought Clarke would shout at her for nearly killing a man but she hugs Clarke back and hugs her so she's snuggled into Clarke neck and lets out a sign in relief. Her family's safe she did good by them.

"You're a idiot you know that" Clarke signs and hugs her tighter 

"I know" that all Lexa says as she smiles at Clarke because she finally holding onto her like she her whole world and that's what she is to Lexa her and her little girl mean so much to Lexa.

They both slowly pull away and smile looking deeply into each other's eyes.

"Don't do that again" Clarke rubs Lexa check.

"I would do it all over again if it means that you and Ella are safe" Lexa says seriously because she would.

"I know " Clarke whispers and she slowly lean in and capture Lexa lips in her it's slow because it's full of passion and love. 

When the pull away Lexa rests  her forehead against Clarkes "I'm not going to let anyone hurt you again" Lexa says as a tear runs down her face.

"I know" they both walk hand in hand to Lexa car.

Lexa driving Clarke home in silence but she can see that Clarke wants to speak because shes keeps eyeing Lexa and opening and closing her mouth.

Lexa pulls the car out "everything okay Clarke? " Lexa asks curiously 

"I need to do something" Clarke whispers.she knows Lexa not going to like what she feels like she's had to do.

"What's that?" Lexa asks 

"I need you to drop me off at the hospital"

The hospital? Why?" Then it hits Lexa "no, no we're going home Clarke" 

"Lexa I need to do this,for me and Ella" Clarke says and takes Lexa hand in her own "please I need this"

Lexa mind ticking should she allow Clarke to do this? 

"Fine but I'm coming with you"

"I need to do this on my own"

"Clark-"

"Lexa pleas I know your trying to protect me but this is something I have to do on my own and you have to let me" Clarke pleas Lexa.

Lexa lets out as shaky breathe "okay but if anything happens he dies this time." Lexa start the car back up and drive to the hospital.

They pull up outside the hospital. "Il be 10 minutes tops" 

"And then I coming in"

"And then your  coming in" Clarke confirms.

Clarke kisses Lexa cheek and repeats "10 minutes " 

Lexa nod her head and watches Clarke walk into the hospital. "10 minutes it's fine Lexa, fuck it, 8 minutes then you can go charging in there" 

Lexa stares at her watch counting down the second.

Clarke asks the receptionist where Jason is and the direct her to him. She see him laying in the hospital bed with tubs coming in and out his body, she see he heart beat is low and he has to have a machine to help him breathe. She takes a deep breath and opens the doors to his room. 

She looks over his body and then she remembers Lexa did this to him but she also remember that Lexa did this for  
Her and Ella. 

She know Lexa may not under stand why she's doing this but like she wrote in the letter to Lexa all those year again to start a new chapter you have to finish an old one and the only way she going to be able to move forward with Lexa and her daughter is if she finally puts an end to this one.

She walks toward the bed and he's asleep. She just stares at him for a moment thing how could she trust someone like him? 

She watches him open his eyes, it's the colour of blood and brown. "Cl-cl" he's trying to say her name.

"Listen to me, if you come anywhere near me and my family again I won't stop Lexa this time I will help her" his eyes go wide at her word because he can see in her eyes that she mean every single  
Word she's saying.

She watches him swallow thickly then his eyes looks toward the door and his heart rate picks up Clarke turns around and it's Lexa. 

"Have fun back in prison, I'm sure you will become someone's bitch" Clarke smirk and turns around to Lexa. 

"Lets go home"she takes Lexa hand in hers and they walk to her car.

\-------

 

Later when they get home Lexa spends her day with ella and she asks Clarke to stay the night as she wants them as close as possible.

They all have a family night and watch some movies of course they had to sit through watching frozen again for the 100th times but Lexa watches her daughter smile at the characters of the tv. Soon though she falls asleep and they both take her to bed. 

They tuck her in and kiss her head and whisper I love yous to their daughter. Once they leave their daughters room. Lexa pulls Clarke into a hug. 

"You're incredibly brave, you know that?" Lexa mumbles resting her head onto of Clarkes.

"I don't feel it" Clarke says and Lexa shivers feeling Clarkes breathe on her neck.

"People who are brave never feel it Clarke" clarke looks up at Lexa's words she knows they have a double meaning.

Lexa swallow looking down at Clarke. 

Clarke slowly lean up and kisses Lexa it's full of love and passion. 

Lexa pulls Clarke closer and Clarke moans so Lexa slips her tongue into Clarke mouth and it's Lexa who moans next.

Lexa pushes Clarke back until she hits the kitchen island. She lifts Clarke up and positions herself in between her Lexa. Clarke pull Lexa in closer and she can feel Lexa through her pants. "Fuck" Clarke moans against Lexa's lips. She remember how big Lexa is and how well she fills her and she can feel herself soaking her underwear.

Lexa starts kissing Clarke neck, Clarke throws her head back. Lexa bits her earlobe and whispers " move in with me"  
Then she continues kissing Clarke neck. 

Clarke knows it's not a question its a statement. "Lex?" 

Lexa pulls away to look into those beautiful blue eyes "I want this, I want you, I want us to be a family" Clarke smiles and wipes the tears from her eyes she never thought Lexa would want anything to do with her. 

"Yes" 

"Yeah?"

"Yes!" Clarke pulls Lexa into a kiss "I love you" 

"I love you too" 

\----

It's finally moving day and Clarkes just dropping of some things round Lexa. She knocks on the door and there no answer.

She kicks the mag up and get the spare key and open the door she place her things down. She looks around the house for Lexa but she's no where to be found. She open to door to the room that is going to be there room and she see Lexa standing there in front of the mirror with her solider uniform on. 

"Lex?"

Lexa straighten out her uniform and turns to Clarke.

"No to bad huh?" Clarke watches Lexa smile but she knows it's a forced one. 

"What's going on?" Clarke says she's searching Lexa eyes and Lexa not meeting her gaze.

"I passed" Lexa states 

"You passed?"

"Yeah" Lexa signs "I guess I'm not crazy then huh?" 

Clarke just watches Lexa still straighten hour her uniform in the mirror.

"You're going back" Clarke states 

Lexa drops her hand by her side and signs. She turns around "I don't have a choice"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think:)


	35. A/N

Hey guys,

I know I haven't updated in a very long time and I'm sorry for that but I've been really busy.

I do think I plan to start writing any of my fics again as I just don't have to time anymore to do so.

I know you guys loved my fics and that meant a lot and I am really sorry that you will no longer be getting updates.


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